Forty Facebook-free days in the wilderness; Ep 1

Like an ex -smoker rarely feels financially better off, I am scratching my head and wondering where the time I used to spend on Facebook actually came from? I used to spend hours a day checking statuses, reading notifications, writing  some status or other, responding to comments. My days, if anything, seem fuller now I am off the book of face. Perhaps, I might say, I have even less free time without it.

I called this experience, before embarking on it (in my head, not to any human ears), the cyberwild. I was compelled to spend 40 days with no Facebook connections and that felt, at the time, like a testing time ahead, a time of isolation and withdrawal for (partially, at least) prayer purposes. I think how I viewed this fast/experiment before I commenced it, was as a rather daunting challenge, although admittedly nowhere in the vicinity of the sort of trial awaiting Jesus in the Judaean desert. The reality was far more sedate and mediocre but, like any addict when threatened with the withholding of their favoured substance, I was rather panicked at the thought of doing without. Always the sign of the addict. Deep down, however, I knew it could be a good thing.

I think I had been aware, for some serious time, although I kidded myself to the contrary, that, to a certain extent, Facebook was controlling me, and not the other way round. Or rather, my unchecked appetite for Facebook was controlling me. I had made many excuses in my head as to why not to examine the affect of this habit in any depth but the primary reason is that, like the time that I did not want to draw back the dressing after putting my hand through a window, I knew I would not like what I saw. And so, after God eventually led me to a place of grace, where I felt able to challenge the mighty Facebook for the supremacy of my main affection, I decided that it was time that the Goliath created by Zuckerberg, took a pebble to the head.  Finally I was going to follow the advice I saw on Axl Rose's T-shirt all those years ago that urged us to 'kill your idols'. Yes, hands up, it was an idol and, as an idol, at least, it needed to die.

At first I was going to attempt to keep a diary style blog of my withdrawal symptoms, day by day but I think that moment has well and truly passed. Instead I am going to write a short series of blogs based on my facebook-free phase. I am just over a third of the way through my experience now and all seems to be going well.  There will be a post to follow in the near future, God willing.

Freedom In Christ #8

Handling Emotions Well

This, more than any of the other sessions has highlighted how I have failed to grasp the earlier principle, from session 3, of choosing to believe the truth.

Do you remember the flow chart from that session (see my blog Freedom in Christ #3)

Truth

 

Belief

 

Behaviour

 

Feelings

 

 

Well, this session examines what happens if you invert this chart. If you live life led by your feelings this directly impacts on your behaviour and your belief. Your view of reality is shaped by the former.

 

 

A phrase that jumped out at me from that session, which, in the style of the course, is repeated often is; 'If what you believe does not reflect the truth, then what you feel will not reflect reality.

 

I often find myself primarily led by my feelings. My view of what is really going on is often dictated by my emotional reaction to it. And sometimes my emotional state is a factor even before anything happens. In the session from last Sunday it was stated that our feelings are like a barometer. They are to our soul what pain is to the body. But they can't always be trusted. As I just stated in that quote, what you feel does not always reflect reality.

 

A few weeks back I had a prime example of this. I was in a bit of a slump, mainly because I felt that I was losing a grip on some of these lessons that I felt I had been learning. It seems that being free requires hard work! And so on the morning in question I gave myself a bit of a kick up the bum, reminding myself that I was 'Significant, Accepted and Secure' and as a result, something spiritual seemed to shift and I felt elated. Now the reality is that I wouldn't have been any more significant, accepted or secure than I was when I wasn't feeling it, but my perception had changed and the world seemed brighter, the grass so much greener.

 

And then I read a message on facebook that rocked me. A friend of mine from Australia had sent out a personal message, which I read, stating that her daughter had gone missing. And would I/we pray for her safe return. I was devastated by this. I felt so bad for my friend and was praying constantly through the day, unable to think about anything else. I did not understand how God could do such a trivial thing as 'making me feel better' and simultaneously allow this little girl to go missing. Messages came back throughout the day to say that there had been no news. As I went to sleep all I could think about was this poor little girl and my poor friend, worried to death for her daughter. I got others to pray for her but all the time my feelings towards God were growing colder. I was miffed, at best, angry at worst.

My friend posted a picture of a missing girl on facebook, sometime the next day. It wasn't her daughter and I wondered if she had found this image whilst looking for her daughter and decided to post it out of solidarity. But that didn't seem right. I checked and reread her original message. The message read "To my praying friends" and on the next line 'My friends daughter has gone missing'.

My eye had filtered out the word 'friends' because it lay in the same position as the word 'friends' above it!

 

So I had been worried about a situation that didn't even exist. Initially I felt relieved for all the grief and angst I had felt on behalf of my friend. and then just as quickly, guilt at the relief I felt because this actually was someone's daughter. And so I redoubled my prayer efforts.

 

Miraculously the daughter was found, unharmed and healthy.

So my feelings had caused me to go into a tailspin based on  a set of circumstances that were not even reality. I felt like such a fool to lose faith in God so easily, a God who loved me even enough to let me know my significance in the midst of my self doubt and to answer the prayers of faithful friends for this daughter. He had not changed, like the shifting shadows. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. It does not mean that things that we cant understand never happen. Inevitably they do. But God is unchanged throughout. His love doesn't waver. Had I really been choosing to believe the truth over my feelings of despair, that whole episode could have been handled entirely differently.

 

 

There is a great deal more to this session, but I think my story really illustrates the fallibility of being led by our feelings and the reliability of Gods truth, whatever the circumstances and however they appear. Without supressing our feelings or being uncontrollably and explosively led by them, we need to honestly acknowledge them before God and make a conscious decision to follow the truth.

Let me finish with a quote from the book;

 

You don't feel your way into good behaviour. You behave your way into good feelings. We start by choosing to believe the truth, which works itself out in our behaviour. This then over time leads to a change in our feelings.

 

 

 

 



Freedom In Christ #7

The Battle For Our Minds


In true, self fulfilling prophecy style, I think I lost mine this last few weeks. I mean the 'Battle', not the mind. Although.....


I must say that I found the last session really helpful. We mostly looked at how Satan primarily attacks us by putting thoughts into our minds. I haven't thought, for a long time, about the parameters of Satan's 'power'.   I found it really helpful to be reminded that he is not 'like God'. He is not Omniscient, (all knowing) Omnipotent (All powerful) or Omnipresent (Everywhere). The likely hood, if we are undergoing a spiritual attack is that we are not meriting Satan's personal attention. And in comparison to God, Satan is like an Ant compared to an atomic bomb. Phew.

But we are susceptible to attacks from organised networks of fallen Angels (Eph 6:12).. 'Satan' can put thoughts and words into our minds and make them sound like our own (highlighting the need to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ).

He uses

• Temptation
• Accusation
• Deception

Unfortunately falling into sin through these methods, especially repeatedly, means that we can give the Devil a foothold, or footholds. Although he cannot posses a child of God he gain influence of your mind and so 'neutralise' you or even further his agenda.


Fortunately we can have a defence against these strategies of the Enemy. We can;

• Understand our position in Christ (Eph 1:19-22)
• Use the resources we have in Christ. (Eph 6:11-20, James 4:7)
• Do not be frightened (1 John 5:18)
• Guard our minds (1 Peter 1:13)
• TURN ON THE LIGHT (John 17:16-17, Phil 4:6-8)

I think, for me, the issue has been being attentive to these issues.

I mentioned at the beginning that I thought I had been losing the battle. I think, primarily, because I haven't been living in a place of recognition of the fact that I am IN a battle. A soldier on a battle field who doesn't know where he/she is, is in a pretty vulnerable state, I reckon.

Paul says, in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians, that we are 'Not unaware of his schemes' he says it to back up his claim that Satan cannot outwit us. If we are not aware that we are in a battle then we are hardly in a place to ensure that we are not outwitted by an enemy.

The above is a list of some of the ways we can ensure that we are not unaware of his schemes. I am going to attempt to be more vigilant in the coming week to submit to God and resist the devil where ever I find opportunity.

I am also thoroughly looking forward to tonight's session on handling emotions. Definitely an area for development and growth.

See you next week.

Freedom in Christ #6

Strongholds



The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Cor 10:4-5

Freedom in Christ defines a stronghold, amongst other things, as; mental habit patterns of thought that are not consistent with Gods word.

In short, these can stop us laying hold of truths because our patterns of thinking are captive to some untruth, some deep rooted lie.

They can be established through our prolonged exposure to this fallen world which conditions us, through traumatic experiences and through repeated falling to temptations. The effects can be to give us a faulty view of reality.


The good news is that they can be broken with this 'divine power'. We can break their power and take captive every thought, making it obedient to Christ.



Again, none of this is teaching that I am unfamiliar with.  I asked myself where the strongholds were in my life, and for the first time in a long time, largely because of what God has been doing through the period I have been on this course, I felt there were no obvious strongholds.

But then, that was the obvious ones. I bet if you asked anyone who lived with me, or knows me well, they may be able to spot some strongholds in my life. What worries me more are the more subtle patterns. By nature, if we are deceived, then we do not realise that we are.

I cant claim to have come that far on the journey, since my last blog. If I am honest, I feel like I have hit a bit of a bottle neck. But it also feels as though there is a lot of pressure in that bottle neck waiting to go phwooosh, when the cork gets popped. I can't help feeling that the 'Steps to freedom' day may be a little bit of an uncorking experience.

Until then I want to ask God for wisdom in discerning these strongholds and in walking by the Spirit.

Holy week; Easter Sunday

 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.  Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. ~ Luke 24:30-31


Since we have been following in Luke I want to move to Luke's first recorded encounter with the risen Jesus. The encounter that two disciples have on the road to Emmaus. 

I love this story. Some of the disciples get the shining angel experience, some get the personal revelation, some get indisputable proof. But some of us simply have our eyes open that he has been with us on the way but we didn't perceive it.

Something simple. Something we do every day, something as basic as eating a meal and it is transformed, when our eyes are open.

And for many of us Jesus appears to us, in our mundanity and reveals that our despair was unfounded, our hope was not in vain, that despite appearances, he never left us. And he is, very much alive.

And it gives me hope that when I am not aware, whatever my circumstances and I am lost, once more, that all may not be as it seems. This ordinariness can still be transformed because Jesus is alive, I only need my eyes open to that fact.

The hope of resurrection, the glorious miracle, taking place, unlike the crucifixion, not in public, on display in full view of the world, but in a concealed tomb, Just The Son, The Father and the Holy Spirit and a pile of grave clothes. Do we not perceive it?

And so hope in us begins, very often in a private place, and resurrection hits us in the most ordinary of moments. And Jesus transforms everything.



Happy Easter everyone!

Holy week; Holy Saturday

Low in the grave he lay, Jesus my saviour.


Today I don't want to write much. I watched a short clip this morning from 24/7 Prayer, whose lent series I have been following this year, and It said, pretty much everything I would want to say. So below you will find a link to that clip, please watch it and afford Pete Grieg the space you would have afforded me. He is much more worthy of it and it only lasts a few minutes.

Before I go, I just want to say that I concur completely with what Pete says. We so often want to rush from Good Friday to Easter Sunday. But I think it is so important to dwell on the Saturday experience. We forget, because of how significant the cross is to us in saving us, what a shattering blow it is. The silence of heaven after the death of its champion speaks as strongly as the cross itself. Judgement has been met. Our sin has caused the heaviest of prices to be paid. Before we embrace the hope and power of resurrection we need to sit with that for a while.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2gX_fMa44E

Holy week; Good Friday

This morning, as I write this blog, I can hear the dawn chorus. Good Friday always fills me with hope, even though it is shrouded in solemnity, it is, as it's name suggests, a 'Good day'. It is the day, of all days, that I look to every day.  It is my reason for existence. The beauty of the love of God expressed to me in what Jesus achieved on that cross. A good day indeed. And hearing the birds sing as the light starts to change and the darkness diminishes feels so hopeful.

But on good Friday Jesus enters the day with a rather different perspective. As the Dawn Chorus commences The rooster joins in the song and Jesus catches the eye of his very close friend who has just denied even knowing him. After the night in custody and the grilling it held, dawn promises that the day will not be improving.

Dragged from pillar to post, mocked and beaten repeatedly, facing the jeering of the crowd and their baying for his blood, sripped, whipped and force marched, carrying the instrument of his own torture and execution, before his mother and friends, and then made a public spectacle of, an example, as he is nailed and then raised.

And in all of it he never wavers or cries out for mercy. He forgives even as he dies.

The sky goes dark.

The temple curtain is torn in two.

'Into your hands, Father, I commit my spirit '.

Jesus dies and all is silent.

After the crowd have gone away, beating their breasts, and the air is silent. Jesus lifeless body hangs limp on the cross, the blood congealing. All is still, once more.
Just another day.

I quietly creep in on the scene for a private audience. I stand and gaze in awe and wonder and with pain. So much pain.

This Jesus who has thrilled and excited me, who has moved me to tears with his compassion for the lost, who has inspired me with his purity, dazzled me.with his simplicity and creative brilliance. This Jesus who awakened hope in me, now hangs here, without hope. Lifeless. Hands that touch leppers, hands that held his mother now held by cruel nails.

I did this to you.

Me.

My sin put you here and if I had been in the crowd I may as well as have been shouting 'Crucify'.

The punishment that bought us peace was upon him,
And by his stripes we are healed.

All we, like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us turned to our own way.
And the Lord has laid on him
The sin of us all.

Holy week; Kiss me, Kill me

How many of us have wanted to do what Peter did. To meet out some old fashioned justice on those who had come to arrest Jesus. The unfairness of it all. The best man who ever lived, seized and dragged before some kangaroo court before being unjustly condemned to death in the most disgraceful way possible.

I think we are supposed to feel the sting of it. Because the injustice of it all, the unfairness of an innocent man dying for  a crime he is innocent of, really reflects on the injustice of our getting away with it. That too is unfair. It defies justice on the most basic level. And the first insult of the many Jesus would receive over the next few hours, that awful betrayal with an act of honour, the kiss of Judas.

And here at the start of the hours of darkness, Jesus asks Judas, before he even reaches him, 'are you really betraying me with a kiss? (paraphrase)

Why is the question so poignant, so utterly loaded?

Judas knows Jesus. Judas knows him intimately. Only hours, maybe only minutes ago, Jesus had honoured Judas by dipping the bread with him, a gesture of respect and friendship and, yes, even love. Judas has been present at all the great miracles. from the feeding of the 5000 to the raising of Lazarus. He has witnessed the insightful teaching. He has seen the tender compassion Jesus has on the marginalised. He has laughed at Jesus' jokes', had his feet washed by him. He was part of the closest circle of disciples, even trusted with the money. And he still didn't get it.

We feel sorry for Judas, so often, because he seemed to be predestined to fail. It was a dirty job but it had to be done. But I don't think we can ever negate the role of Judas' choice in the betrayal. He had more opportunity than anyone (apart from the rest of the12) to see Jesus as he truly was.

For whatever reason though, Judas had his own agenda. To reject Christ so utterly, having known him for who he is (betrayal or no) is really to ask for damnation. Judas knew, somehow, and tragically rejected him. We are told that money played a part, but the dark place from which humanity shuns the Lord of life, played a larger part and Judas succumbed to it. Jesus chillingly states that it would be better for him if he were never born.

And the tragedy is that Judas couldn't even be honest in his darkest moment, when his cover was blown. He was still lying to himself and to Jesus.

Jesus Identifies his betrayer with an act of honour and acceptance, as he shares the bread and bestows grace and love on him even then.

And Judas condemns Jesus to disgrace with an act of honour and friendship. And he seals his fate as he does so.

The lesson of Judas is that familiarity with Jesus does not necessarily imply closeness. It is possible to know Jesus and never really know him. It is possible to see the best of what he does and never really have our eyes opened. where are we right now? Are our eyes open? Are we betraying Jesus in small ways with public acts of love that mask our indifference or worse, animosity.

It is a sobering lesson. May we never be so close to Jesus and not see him for who he really is. May we only see the love in his eyes and may we never miss the point. 

Holy week; Gethsemane

Yesterday I looked at Jesus' source of strength; his prayer life. We saw that some of that was devoted to praying for his disciples. Today I want to look a little more at the prayers offered in the garden of Gethsemane.

 Jesus having done all there is to do, fully faces up to what he is about to undergo. Jesus withdraws again from his disciples for what is a very private moment, leaving them with the instruction 'Pray that you will not fall into temptation', he with draws about as far as a stones throw, Luke records. So private, but not that private. I have often wondered how Jesus private words are recorded so accurately when he went off. The answer is simple. We are told how much anguish he is in. So much that he later sweats blood. I have heard preachers cite medical science to say that, however rare that may be, it is possible under immense stress. It hardly bears thinking about. Have you, even in your worst moments been close to that? I know I haven't.

And he did not suffer in silence. I think that Jesus words "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" was an anguished, gut wrenching cry, so loud that it was audible from a good distance, depending on how far you can throw a stone.

This is one of my favourite moments in the gospels. It is the most beautiful and terrible, simultaneously. The son of God, at his most vulnerable, the weight of the fate of the world hanging on his manifest love for and trust of His Father.

 I felt God show me a while ago, that Jesus, though he had much yet to undergo, won the battle of Calvary, here in Gethsemane's garden. That the real wrestling, the real sacrifice was made, by Jesus, on his knees, when he fully gave his will over to the Father. From then on in, the outcome was a certainty.

The angel then came and strengthened him. It only occurred to me today, that the strength (which is sometimes translated as comfort, literally 'with strength') may well have been more than just strength for the moment, but strength for the task ahead.

And somehow, it has always escaped my attention that he sweats blood, after the Angel has ministered to him. The scripture says, he prayed even more earnestly. Whatever was going on here, we know that Jesus was doing serious business with his Father. The hymn that I quoted yesterday contains the line 'He shed no tears for his own grief but sweat drops of blood for mine'. I have to say that that seems, as poetic and lovely as it sounds, like it is utter fiction. I am not saying that he had no thought towards what he would achieve for us but the grief was all his own. If Calvary was about us, Gethsemane was all about Jesus.

Isn't it amazing that he did not waver for a second in all his trial? Where did he get his strength from? I think he made his peace, here on his knees. Gethsemane held the last temptation of Christ. But the deal was sealed in the agony of his prayer and the submission to the father.

Remember what Jesus said to his disciples as he left them, 'Pray that you will not fall into temptation.'
That was exactly what he was doing himself. He was saying, follow my example. The disciples slept and they fell into temptation, but Jesus never wavered or wobbled.

The power endued on him is tangible as he steps forwards to his would be captors in the same Garden.

We're looking for Jesus of Nazareth, they say.
'I am he' says the Lord.
And they drew back and fell to the ground.

Holy Week: Before the storm

Holy week is building and Jesus ordeal is just days away. He must have been painfully aware of what was to come but the signs of stress are not evident from the text.

I think one little clue to his coping strategy is apparent in the verse that tells us;

Each day Jesus was teaching at the temple, and each evening he went out to spend the night on the hill called the Mount of Olives ~Luke 21:37

We know that the mount of olives was a  place Jesus liked to withdraw to and pray. What he did out there to recharge his batteries, to draw on the Fathers strength, we can only speculate, but from the glimpse we are given in Gethsemane, we can see that he is not averse to pouring out his heart. I see the wrestling that is in Gethsemane is, in terms of the story, the tip of the iceberg of emotions and fears that will almost sink him. In other words, I would be very surprised if this was the first and only conversation they had had on this issue.

Nightly Jesus would withdraw, as was his habit, to a place of peace and he would pray. I would give an awful lot to have been an eavesdropper on those moments. To hear the intimacy, hinted at in John 16, to hear the passion, to see the transformation from deep prayer that came over Jesus as he communed with his heavenly father. What did he say? What did he ask for?

We are, though, given a little glimpse in Luke 22:31 when Jesus seems to take the opportunity afforded by a conversation about greatness, and who is the greatest, to address something that has been on his heart.  We are not told who was involved in the squabble but afterwards Jesus singles out Peter with the chilling words; 'Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat'. We are not told when Satan had asked but presumably not on the spot, then and there. Jesus had obviously been dealing with this issue privately, and in prayer because he says;

 ^"But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

Whenever I have gone through issues that cause me to be in turmoil, I often find that I cannot really address anything else. I find it becomes all absorbing. That whatever conversations I am having I am only really half present. And when I pray I find that it fills my prayers.

Again, I only speculate to what Jesus prayed, and to how he felt, but presuming his impending death and torture were things that he would have preferred to avoid (as his 'take this cup from me' statement indicates) it is even more astonishing that he almost certainly spent time praying for his friends. Friends that he knew were going to let him down, deny him, even betray him.

How great is the love of the son of God. As he moves ever closer to his own dark hour, he weaves around those he loves, a protective cocoon of prayer, that they too may be kept through their own  trial, fail as they will, that they may also emerge transformed in the power of resurrection.

And this same Jesus prays for us now.


Such love. Such grace.

In pity Angels beheld him,

And came from the world of light,

To comfort him in the sorrows,

He bore for my soul that night.

Holy week; The Cleansing of the temple

When Jesus entered the temple courts, he began to drive out those who were selling.  “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be a house of prayer’; but you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’”
  Every day he was teaching at the temple. But the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the leaders among the people were trying to kill him.  Yet they could not find any way to do it, because all the people hung on his words. ~Luke 19:45-48

I want to look at a collection of events that took place in Holy week, to get myself, and hopeful any readers, into a place that is a little closer to Jesus.

I want to look at an aspect to this story that I have never noticed before.

Jesus' passion rises up and he is incensed. The insults that fall on God (that his father's house of prayer should be turned into a place of refuge for those ripping off and exploiting the poor) fall on him (Ps 69:9) and zeal for God's House consumes him. This is not some measured politacally charged symbolic action. He is enraged. The rage that he unleashes was clearly frightening because he succeeded in driving out a hoard of moneychangers without any interference from the temple guards or the priests. Of course at this point he is still riding a wave of popularity and expectation. But the passion is real. Real and all consuming.

What really got him into 'trouble' was not his action against the money changers (which were tolerated as a sort of necessary evil) but the claims that this was his Father's house (and that God was his Father, the claim that ultimately got him summarily condemned). He did not have any authority to do what he did, not in the eyes of the Jewish law at least.

But Jesus, at the start of Holy week has come to claim his own. He has 'Set his face like flint'. He is all business.

If it were just an act, If he were just making a token point, he simply would have moved on, the moneychangers would have waited to see if the coast were clear and come scurrying back to resume their operations.

But Jesus taught every day at the temple. He was going nowhere.

I admire the Jesus we see here so much. Bold, strong, convicted, righteous and Just. And determined, defiant of all the obstacles.

In earlier instances where he was exposed to the threat of death he simply slipped away through the crowd, unnoticed.

How often have we wanted to do that when times got hard and we started taking flack.

But there is a time to stand up. There is a time to be counted amongst the righteous. there is a time to set our faces like flint, no matter what the cost.

Are we seizing hold of those moments? The moments where our actions will cause us to take hold of that for which he took hold of us? Sometimes we have to sit on the promises of God and say 'I am going nowhere'.

Sometimes we have to allow our passion for God to supersede our own inclinations of cowardice. I don't think that this kind of zeal measures out the consequences. It sees the injustice, it sees the opposition, it sees the sin and it takes it on, head on.


 

Freedom In Christ #5

The last session was all about or daily choice. I don't want to go into all the teaching in any detail this time. I want to talk to you about the truth that I am discovering. The greatest thing that had happened to me in the last few months is being empowered to make the right choices.

The thing that hit me hardest about the session was the verse from 2 Peter 1:3.

'His divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness through our knowledge of him who called us'

 I asked myself a question; If his divine power has really given us all we need for godliness then what holds me back?

The answer has to be that 'I do'.  I have read those words from Galatians so many times 'it was for freedom that Christ has set you free' and I am not sure whether I have really deeply believed them. I ask myself, is this what freedom looks like? It so often doesn't feel like freedom. But then I haven't had the mentality of freedom.

I have often felt like I was sort of drifting down the stream of life, bumping off the edges, caught in currents. What this truth is awakening me to is that I can take hold of the rudder. If Christ has set me free for freedom, what else can it mean? Free to not sin, free to follow, free to really live.

And as we sow to the spirit and walk according to it, day by day, our mind is renewed and our eyes are opened. I have had such an increased awareness in moments of temptation of my freedom to chose what is good. And this slavery to righteousness feels far more like freedom than the freedom to sin ever did.

And as we realign our neural pathways and muscles memories to doing according to the spirit, I have found that the fruit of the spirit is in increasing evidence.


Earlier this week small moments of choices to walk by the spirit have led to disproportionate 'harvests' of righteousness. The particular thing I am thinking of involves someone elses personal story and I am not free to share it but I made a choice to not do something that seemed completely reasonable (and possibly godly) and instead listen to the spirit that transformed a personal situation and relationship. It started with a refusal to be judgemental.

I intend to continue to walk in this way and 'roll it out' into as many areas of my life as I can.

This stuff really works. Thank you lord

Freedom In Christ #4

So, I had to hit it eventually. The wall. And man, did it knock the wind out of me.

When I was at Bible college there was a kind of a practical joke campaign of war being carried out (faction against faction) in the boys house, where I and the majority of the male single students resided. One particular trick I remember being played was to sellotape up a guys door with newspaper. On seeing it the unsuspecting victim could nearly never resist crashing through that 'oh so inviting' door of rippable paper. What they never guessed was that before taping up the doorway some heavy item of furniture would be placed blocking the door and they would charge full throttle into it, at the height of their destructive glee. Bible students can be cruel. What can I say?

This wall was like that. To look at; a wall of paper, inviting me to smash through it, as I ran on triumphantly towards victory. In reality, it was masking something way more solid and unmovable. This wall is going to have to be deconstructed brick by brick. The wall has a name  and it's name is 'Worldview'.

I need to rewind a little.

Before the session started, looking at the title 'The world's view of truth', I thought I was in for an easy ride. We have dealt with 'Where did I come from?' and 'who am I now?' (Identity in Christ and security in God) and then we moved on to the even more challenging session on the nature of faith 'Choosing to believe the truth'.

To be honest, I found the last session  so challenging (and it is intimately connected to this session, had I but known it) that I thought we were due some let up. And world views? It's a no-brainer, right?

I know there will have been people on the course to who this was a relatively new concept, but I grew up being told about the absolute truths vs relative truths and the dangers of pluralism. And the session proved to introduce nothing particularly new to say on the subject. Nothing I wouldn't have already endorsed 100%

• The world is the system or culture we grew up and live in.
• Satan is the ruler of this world (John 12:31) and works through it.
• Tactic 1 is to appeal to us, by promising to meet our deep needs, through the channels of lust of flesh and eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:15-17)
• Tactic 2 is to paint a complete but false picture of reality. (these are represented in the book by 3 main worldviews)
• Tactic 3 to get us  Mix 'n' match. Adding Christianity to a pre-existing 'core' world view, rather than adopting a 'true biblical worldview.

This 3 tiered system for keeping us from truth is excessively effective. Where we may, through Christ, get through the first 2, many will never get beyond the third tier.

I will need to explain 2 of the world views which have had the most impact on me in order to proceed with this particular post.

The first is The Western, or 'Modern' world view;

• Divides reality into natural' and 'supernatural'  but focuses only on the natural.
• Sees spiritual things as irrelevant to daily life.
• Reality is defined by what we can see, touch and measure,

The second is The Postmodern world view;

• There is no such thing as objective truth.
• Everyone has their own version of 'truth'.
• Each persons 'truth' is as valid as everyone else's
• If you disagree with my 'truth' or disapprove of my actions you are rejecting me.

I'm sorry if this feels like I am attempting to teach the course but it's necessary for you to know this before I proceed.

I can easily identify both of these worldviews as being prevalent in the culture in which I grew up and live in. I was even aware that they rub off on me and, from time to time, that becomes evident. What stayed with me though, after the session, was this concept of the third tactic. 'Mix n match'.

If you asked me if I believe the bible to be true, I would almost certainly say yes (though I have my off days). The word of god? Yes. The absolute truth? Sure thing. But this is a standard response. The party line. The party I joined freely, the party I love, but none the less, the party line. There are core beliefs which affect me still. And they bubble beneath the surface, undermining much of that which I subscribe to publicly.

At the end of the session we were asked to join in with a prayer that committed us to getting rid of the core beliefs the world has fed us and committing ourselves to how the bible says reality really is.

At the time of praying, despite a slight unease, I felt relatively relaxed about the concept. After all we have been renewing our minds for a few weeks now. But even in the car, on the way home, my mind was starting to unpick my feelings. The unease was growing exponentially.

What I have to be honest with you about now is hard to say. Hard but necessary. I gloss over an awful lot of unbelief. I know, anecdotally that we all have doubt. I doubt that I am unusual in that. But what was really getting to me was the immensity of committing myself to a totally biblical worldview. It scares the pants off of me.

For one thing, I kind of fear becoming a bible quoting robot. A Christian clone, if you will. 'Freedom in Christ' has a certain way of looking at the bible and theology  and it felt to me like I was being asked to hand over my individuality and conform, not only to scripture but to a certain way of seeing scripture. It is the way I have chosen to see scripture too, but it is a choice. My choice. And I have always gone with the belief system because it generally makes sense in its entirety, even if certain things seem difficult to adhere too. I suppose what I am saying is, that although I outwardly subscribe, I have inwardly, at some deeper level, reserved the right to disagree or to 'wait and see' on issues that are difficult.

 You see, I have a coping strategy.  I think it comes from a post modern world view, to some extent. It is that where I cannot fully commit, I attribute the disparity to relative truth. It is in a way, my parachute. My get out clause.

As was implied in some of the material which is not in the handbook (but was taught last Sunday) Sometimes I have to admit that 'I have decided it is true for me'. To be clear, this in no way means that I don't love and serve Jesus in all sincerity. I absolutely believe in God. But this 100% commitment to the truth of the bible has always been a bit of a stretch for me.

Looking back historically, people I admire have often fallen on different sides of debates on theology and biblical interpretation. If these great people cant agree, I ask myself, how am I ever to get it right or to understand? So I take my unbelief, and shelve it, with, if I am honest, little intention or hope of ever solving what I think on these issues.

This compartmentalisation can fall into modern and post modern worldviews. They allow me to duck out of any issue I find challenging instead of diligently studying and praying and asking the Spirit to guide me into all truth.

I also, at times, have fears that it wont hold up to thorough examination in light of science. I worry that I wont be able to do it justice if I attempt to defend its truths to non believers. I am so far from being scientific. I have chosen, at this deeper subconscious level, to focus on my spiritual experience and relationship. It is easy to justify as love and relationship are at the heart of the gospel, after all.

I have talked to others about my faith, sure....if it came up. And if controversial areas arise, I duck out of them, deflecting the questions. Why should I endorse a point of view that I cannot even understand fully myself. You see, it goes deep. And implications for living in a way that endorses this 'totally biblical world view' are immense, as I am sure you will appreciate.

But it wasn't always like this.

When I was first 'saved' I was an ardent evangelist. A real bible-basher. I spent so much time trying to argue and convince people into the kingdom. And if I wasn't trying then I was feeling rather guilty about not trying. I made a nuisance of myself. My belief in the bible as the word of God seemed unshakable. My commitment to biblical truth unwavering. But it became exhausting. Exhausting and often disappointing. I got tired of being tired. I got disappointed with all the disappointment. And I reverted gradually to this altogether safer world view.

It wasn't deliberate but it happened.

In the light of session 3 I understand now why I was shaken so much by the words which told me that my actions are evidence of what I really already believe. And I ask myself what about hell? If I truly believed in hell would I not spend every waking moment trying to save souls from it.

So many issues. This blog may be on the long side but I could spend days writing about this stuff.

How do I know how to interpret the bible?

And, as I have prayed this through God has spoken to me through scripture again. I have to thank my good friend, Martin Thompson, who steered me gently back to the scriptures themselves and prescribed a course of reading by the way of godly commentary on the subject of biblical authority. It was an absolutely invaluable nudge. But in all the encouraging words he spoke to me as I laid my heart out to him on how difficult I was finding this (I couldn't pray for days) the thing that stood out and caused me to seek out the scriptures was a phrase from Hebrews 4.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (v12)

Just the mention of it renewed hope. It didn't flow instantly but it reminded me that there was somewhere to turn.  It was actually the last scripture I looked at but it ties in so well. So here was my warning that the word of God (which includes scripture) good judge and expose my heart. Which he was about to do. Penetrating and dividing, remember that. The next lines say;

 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (v13)

But I haven't looked at this yet. When I do, I will see also that this passage is directly linked to the bit  (v14-v16) which speaks about Jesus, our high priest, who is able to sympathise with our weakness, and the invitation to boldly approach the throne of grace, with confidence. The very verses that have been central to my growth, through this course.

But the first thing to come to my mind, when I prayed through this, was a verse from James, also chapter 4;

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (v8)

I have to confess just the latter part jumped out because it contained the word 'double-minded'. Which is what I was now recognising myself to be.

The session had referred to Elijah's battle with the Prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. How long will you waver between two opinions? If Baal be God then Serve him but if the LORD be god, then serve him. I think after seeing what Elijah did I, had I been present, would have been convinced of who was the real Boss.

As I read this I was enticed by the invitation that we 'come near to God' but then after a little dwelling on it I saw something which may be obvious but that I had never noticed before. What does he prescribe for the double minded? In my own partially logical brain I would have thought that the double minded needed to have a rather good think about it and decide which was the best route to go down. But James prescribes a rather different cure. For the problem of the undecided mind he prescribes an undivided heart. Purify your heart you double minded.

So what the word tells me is that this isn't an intellectual problem about scriptural interpretation or scientific evidence. This is about a heart that needs purifying in its allegiances and motives.

To purify is get rid of foreign bodies, to turn up the heat and cause those things which are not pure to burn off. To separate it from what defiles it. If it were two substances fused together into one, it would take all the components that were pure and reunite them in one place, leaving the rest for the slag heap.

because my boys were using my laptop this morning I was studying these scriptures using my concordance in the back of my bible. I happened to notice that James uses double minded in another place (1v8)and so, before moving on, I would have a quick look at that reference too.

 

 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The verse refers to someone who wont believe in the wisdom they are given (which could easily apply to my situation) and the results speak for themselves. But when I read the little footnote that came with my study bible on this verse I was rather taken aback.

"1:8 A double-minded man is a person drawn in two opposite directions. His allegiance is divided and because of his lack of sincerity, he vacillates between belief and disbelief, sometimes thinking God will help him and at other times giving up all hope in him. Such a person is unstable in all his ways. Not only in his prayer life. The lack of consistency in his exercise of faith betrays his general character."


It is around about here that I, feeling very uncomfortable indeed, get extremely grateful for grace and forgiveness. Oh the mercy I obtain at that throne of grace which I can boldly approach in confidence because of Jesus intervention. It is so sweet to me. But it is also his mercy that he lets me see myself, at times, for what I am and that includes the incisive way in which the commentator took the word of God, just there, and applied it to my heart to judge its thoughts and attitudes as it penetrated and divided my defence. I felt laid bare when I read that. But comforted too, because I am seeing the sense in all this. I don't need to be an academic, I need to chose Gods truth and have faith and confidence in its unfolding. All truth is God's truth. God is truth, Jesus is The truth and the Spirit leads us into all truth. I simply need to commit myself to that and diligently work it out from there.

I found myself praying 'Lord give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name'. And I knew that was from a psalm, so I looked it up.  I looked at in in three different versions. The NIV says 'give me an undivided heart' which is the path that led me here. The NLT says 'Grant me purity of heart' which links up completely with James 4:8 (purify your hearts you double minded). 'It is slightly different in the NKJV, but I love it even more. It says everything I need to hear.

Teach me Your way, O Lord;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
For great is Your mercy toward me,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

 

 

 

 

Okay. So now you know. I haven't come close to dotting every 'i', but in principle and in heart, I can fully commit myself to this journey, by Gods grace. Because I am trusting him and I trust his word.

Freedom in Christ #3

 

 

 

You would think I would be better prepared for writing this blog, having had an extra week to garner material but, as usual, I find myself writing this at the 11th hour. Ok, the 9th hour (and it should be the 8th as the clocks have gone forward) but you get what I mean.

So the last session on FIC was entitled 'Choosing to believe the truth'. In a nutshell, we are all putting faith in something (even atheists), It is what you chose to put your faith in that makes it effective. We are only, after all, believing what is already true.

And a very important aspect is that, as the illustration above shows, behaviour follows belief, (your actions reveal what you actually believe)  and feelings follow behaviour.

I found that last bit particularly profound. If I want to see where my faith is really lying I need to look at my behaviour. That was rather frightening. It is so important to not live out of feelings (which makes for a very inconsistent type of walk) but to live out of faith in what is really true.

So it follows naturally that what is at the top of the tree is extremely important. What we hold to be true will define us. There are no shortcuts and the truth is apparent in the fruit we bear.


If you think about how important this is (everything flows from it) the significance of the 'homework' becomes apparent. This time we were reading out of a list of 20 'cans' of success.

Something to say about this is, I have been fine so far, declaring who God is. Declaring who I am 'In Christ', from the week previously, was a little trickier but it was clearly based on the character of God and the enormity of the salvation Jesus acquired for us. I can go there. But this 'success' thing was harder for me. The sense of entitlement that has to come with that is something I really struggle with. In my cultural experience entitlement is something to be shunned. there is even a Christian veneer to my dislike of it. It is more humble to be self effacing and deferential, surely?

But it shows, on reflection, that I haven't really grasped the first 2 exercises. To understand Father completely must mean that we understand what he gives to his children. Not leaving us as orphans, he gives us his spirit, and all the riches that go with that. To be God's child is a truly wonderful experience. To accept, with true humility and thankfulness what he gives us, is a privilege of the highest kind. This boldness of access we may now have, blows my mind.


 I Think that the course is really helping in grounding my understanding in the Character of God. It is raising my expectations and faith levels. The truth is informing my beliefs, which in turn influence my behaviour and, increasingly, I feel good.

I cant wait to see where this is going next. See you in a week.

Satans Upside-down Kingdom

We Christians often use the phrase 'upside-down kingdom' to describe the Kingdom of God. A realm where the rich are poor, the weak are strong and the last are first. A kingdom where you give to receive and surrender to win.

I woke up today to the Kingdom I am living in. Satan is described in the bible as the 'Prince of this World' (John 14:30). His Inverted kingdom has its own hallmarks.

1. Immorality becomes a virtue (Rom 1:32)
2. Slavery (to sin) becomes Freedom.
3. The chosen are ostracized
4. Judgement is passed on the Judge.

C. S. Lewis once wrote about the devils tactic of making people think that he did not exist. The next step in this tactic was to ensure, when he was acknowledged, that he was portrayed he was a cartoon figure of fun. So no one would take him seriously.

In a natural progression to his return to the shadows, he has manipulated the world that you and I inhabit not into the moral wasteland that us saints might have imagined he wanted to create on earth. No. The usurper is cleverer than that. He has carefully fostered a world (in which we find ourselves)  that contains a new kind of morality, one he thoroughly endorses. As he comes as an angel of light, and as the antichrist comes as a man of peace, he has dressed his morality in thoroughly reasonable and compassionate language. It is sweet to the ears. He speaks of equality and fairness. Sweet on the tongue but bitter to stomach. The only equality he really seeks is equality with God himself, the only fairness he wants is what he sees as his due. Last time he tried that, he got kicked out of heaven.

In this new world we see sexual immorality championed at every turn. We see families and communities ravished by divorce, faction and separation in the name of freedom and the search for 'love'. We see Gods chosen berated and attacked from every side. We see the abandonment of Hell, we see Israel vilified and theologically written off, and the people God made sit in Judgement of God, himself.

No wonder James said 'friendship with the world is enmity with God'.

The spirit of the age is everywhere.

This isn't the kind of thing I write about very often. I don't like to think about this kind of stuff. I like an easy life. Maybe I want to stay asleep, but no more.

The problem is that all his new morality is dressed up with arguments that pull on our heartstrings, particularly in  areas regarding homosexuality. I don't think we should ever abandon compassion. But we should never play compassion off of holiness or righteousness. Mercy and righteousness meet at the cross without either of them being compromised in the slightest. That is where we need to be living in all of our dealings, in all our attitudes, in all our beliefs.

We in the west stand on the precipice of a very dangerous time. Everything is poised for Satan to pull the rug out from underneath us Christians. We need to make sure we are not standing on the false security of our soft rug, on the democratic freedoms we have enjoyed hitherto. Time is coming when your allegiance to Christ above all else is no longer tolerated by the government you voted for or the society you live in.

We need to be standing on the solid rock of Christ.

Take me as I am

It was a rare Saturday morning because I had woken up with no responsibilities, no children and no pressing engagements. It was the first morning for about three weeks where I had woken up without any demands on me. I have had a rather exhausting run for the last 3 weeks and I was so looking forward to a lie-in, not that I expected one. My body clock, tightly wound from decades of predawn wake ups, will rarely let me see the far side of 7am.

This Saturday was no exception. I woke at 530am. As far as I was concerned, that was still a lie-in.

I managed to not get up straight away, bar an excursion to flick the light-switch, but lay in bed with my laptop next to me, catching up on social media and surfing you-tube. With a couple of cups of tea, I killed of a few hours in this lazy manner.

It had been pressing on me, for a long while, to spend some quality time with God. Having the whole day stretching out, I was in no particular hurry but I had set my heart on doing it. And it had been ages.
So, it being daylight, I got out of bed and sat in my prayer chair. (There is another story behind the prayer chair but perhaps in another blog).

You know when you are at the seaside and you are reluctant to get into the cold water so you wonder around psyching yourself up to it, or maybe if your bath is too hot and you keep adding water. Sometimes, I just don't know where to begin.

I picked up my guitar.

In my relationship with God my guitar is like the equivalent of buying cheap flowers at a petrol station, on your way to a date. If your date knows you and loves you well enough, the gesture, though pathetic, can actually be quite endearing. I think that is what I am hoping for.

When I don't know how to start, or what to bring, I sing a song.

When I say I sing a song, I mean a song. It is usually the same song I have been using for most of my Christian walk. I sing a song that made a big impression on me when I was a kid. So much so that we sang it at my baptism when I came out of the water. The song; Jesus take me as I am.
So I am sitting in my rather messy bedroom, in the chair of prayer. Scattered coffee mugs and books and cables and plates lie all around. (oh the bachelor lifestyle) I only have one window that is east facing and it is the smallest window in the room. The Sun is up but it is rather dingy outside and the light in the room is at bare minimum.

I play the opening chords and start to sing,

Jesus take me as I am,

 

 I can come no other way,

 

Take me deeper into you,

 

Make my flesh life melt away,

 

Make me like a precious stone,

 

crystal clear and finely honed,

Now my singing is not amazing but I do give it some gusto, as anyone within a ten meter radius of me at church will testify. I don't consider myself a bad singer, just not a great one.....but listen, In my head it's a whole different story. I'm like Jeff Buckley. And as I start to play and sing, my mind starts to wonder off. I am still singing while my thought pattern is going something a little like this;


Yeah, not bad Matthew. I think you're sounding OK today. This is quite nice. A little croaky perhaps, but it is first thing. Maybe you could film this on your lap top?

Yeah, I could, couldn't I?

Yeah, and if the sound isn't too ropey, maybe you can post it to You-tube.

Yeah, right, it'll be one of those really intimate and powerfully anointed worship times, like Keith Green had when he recorded 'thank you oh my father'.

You remember that. That was such a powerful moment in the book wasn't it.

Yeah.

Maybe it'll go viral?


Please be patient with me. I am not a skilled musician and when it seems to go well, I get a little giddy. The funny thing is that all the time, as I am sure you have spotted, my attention is not really on the one to whom I am singing. And the more I think about this potential you-tube clip, the more off the mark my singing gets.

The thing is, I am convinced that the rather ropey performances I always seem to give in public, when leading, say, a Life-group or in a prayer meeting, don't reflect some of the amazing versions I seem to pull off when  I am completely alone. I just want to be able to prove it. just once.

If you've read the last couple of blogs on my page, you will know that I am undergoing something of a renewal in my relationship with God at the moment. And as soon as I spotted the irony of what was going on in my head, I decided, a little reluctantly if I am honest, to stop trying to sing like Jeff (or worship like Keith) and inhabit the words.

The song is one about the process of refinement. It starts, so powerfully for me, with the premise that our blemishes and imperfections should in no way prevent our coming. It is not a take me as I am, because I change for nobody. It is a humble request for acceptance. I can come no other way. I can't pretend with you lord, I can only come in the state I am in.

I think the 'flesh life' pretty much sums up where I was coming from with my dreams of viral worship videos. But the moment I decided to reengage with these powerful words was the point at which I sang;

 Life of Jesus Shining through

And as I sang it, straight to the father, a shaft of sunlight beamed through the window directly into my room.

 

Giving glory back to you

I was gobsmacked. The poetry of the moment was amazing. It was such cool timing. And I gazed up as I sang, and I noticed my little light bulb was still on, even though it was light. And it added nothing to the room, even in the dingy half light of the morning, its effect was negligible. In the light of the full on glare of the sun it was even more apparent. And I couldn't help compare my efforts for my own glory with the Glory of what God had just done when I sang, not for Internet hits or mans accolade, but to him alone and for him alone. My 40 watt bulb, against the power of His sunlight.
The light that he sent bought illumination to all my mess. It bought clarity and I poured all my gratitude back in to my singing for him.

I have thought about that song subsequently. I have always viewed it as my song. But in that intimate time of worship I came to realise that it is OUR song. Mine and the Father's. In the same way couples have a song, Jesus take me as I am is our song.


And although I suspect you will have difficulty believing this. God gave me a gift. In the moments which ensued as I sang to him, God anointed my playing and singing. I sang with such passion and sensitivity. I played, almost skilfully. I swear I did. It was a Keith Green moment after all. Just me and the Lord in intimate and deep conversation. Some things are just private, not for exploitation in a blog, but I tell you what,


It would have gone viral......maybe.

Freedom in Christ #2

After a late arrival at last weeks FIC session, I settled in to listen to the teaching with a considerable degree of eagerness. What new wonders would God unfold this week?

I was not late, as I usually am, because of my tardiness. Not on this occasion. I was late because, during the day my ex-wife informed me that she was unable to be home before 7 (The time the course starts) and could I drop the kids back after 7.

I have found at times, that when God is doing something significant, these little set backs seem to crop up. In fact, it occurred to me during church, that same morning, that this scenario may occur. My immediate feeling was that this was an attack of the devil (and by logical progression, my ex was an agent of the devil). My second thought was if the devil wants to prevent me from going, God must be doing something important. My third thought was that despite the rising sense of indignation, I have been in such a peaceful place, since starting this course and I knew that if I entered into (more than likely fruitless) arguments with her over this I could so easily be sent over the edge and end up ruining any good witness that the work of god is bringing about in me.

I breathed a sigh and let it go.

Freedom in Christ was still attainable, even if I missed half an hour of Steve Goss. In fact freedom in Christ is not attainable, it is already ours (Steve would be proud)...we have to realise it.

I share this with you to encourage you that, yes, this course is bringing about fruit in my life and also that it is significant that the devil should try and disrupt it. It means he is panicking.


So the handover of the kids was actually pleasant (with gratitude expressed at my understanding attitude) and I arrived reasonably calm and able to take on board the teaching which this week is summed up thus

• We are a new creation. The old has gone. The new has come.
• We are not sinners but saints (who sometimes sin)
• We don't have to sin, but if we do 'Our fundamental Relationship with our Heavenly father does not change'
• We are not condemned but have a compassionate God who has made a way for us to boldly approach his throne to obtain grace and mercy  

Now, to a seasoned veteran like me, this is all like teaching Grandma to suck eggs. Like I said last week, there is very little here I don't know but it is the way the truth affects me that I am now concerned with. Not solely what the truth is. But what FIC is trying, and succeeding, to do is to impart the importance of the perception of our identity. If our identity is as a sinner (but forgiven) rather than a saint we are likely to sin. this is important because;

"It's not what we do that determines who we are. It's who we are that determines what we do."


In typical FIC style, simple but so profound. I am finding this subtle shift in perspective, half an inch to the left, is changing how I see the whole picture. And the picture is changing me.

Hence the priority of the first week being on our identity IN Christ. It all seems to flow from there; Significance, Acceptance and Security. Loved utterly. Forgiven completely. Provided for eternally.

But all of this has only sunk in, maybe minutes before I came to blog.

The homework this week was reading out, every day, a list of renouncement's and affirmations of who our Father God is not and whom he is.

For example;

I renounce the lie that my Father God is; absent or too busy to be with me.

I joyfully accept the truth that my Father God is; always with me and eager to be with me

Each of the affirmations of truth carry bible verses and we were encouraged to look one of the personally meaningful aspects up and ask God for insight as we read. The affirmations cover a lot of ground. God being, amongst many other things; warm, intimate, patient, gentle, trustworthy, forgiving and proud of us.

Now, I instantly felt a resonance at the meeting as we all read these out. It has been a desire of mine, for the longest time, to become more intimate with the Father. Unlike the previous week, when it felt almost mechanical, I wanted to proclaim the words as passionately as an Englishman can in public.

I looked forward to the change this was going to bring about. And each day, with only slightly varying degrees of passion, I happily renounced and accepted awful and fantastic things (respectively) and I looked forward to the wonderful blog I was going to write to tell you all about it.

But as each day went by I began to wonder what on earth I was going to write about. As nothing particularly seemed to have happened. I was aware that my perception of God had changed ever so slightly. It was easier to have a handle on his character (in so far as it is expressed in these truths) as I talked about him through the week. No perceptible shift in my prayer life though and I was starting to get desperate. I resigned myself to the idea, instead, of just writing about the teaching we received last week. After all, this is supposed to be an honest reflection of my experience during the course....so cooking it up wasn't really 'on'.

And then today came. During my prayer time something wonderful happened.

Now, writing about the whole Father heart of God thing is rather tricky, not least because my own Father will undoubtedly read this, and it will be read by people who know and respect him.

 I remember receiving a week of teaching in my YWAM discipleship school days, on the Father heart of God. Everyone in the know said 'This is the week when you will lose it'. Apparently their is often deep ministry needed around this area. And, as was the want of YWAM in those days, this meant a lot of wailing and tears. On the last day people went forward for prayer for the issues that had been stirred up by all the teaching. I remember racking my brains for an angle on this. I didn't want to be left out, after all. I figure you can find feelings of rejection and abandonment almost wherever you want, if you look for it. I had prayer. I am not sure what for. It made little impact on me. But I knew that it should have.

I just want to say, about my Dad, that he is not perfect. Do I have any cause for complaint? Are we all human?

I understand now, as a Father myself, that whoever we are, we are lacking in some department. We cannot be everything we would want to be for our children. We certainly cant be everything they would want us to be for themselves. As an adult and a Father, I understand this now. My dad is unable to be all that I am looking for and need. He would be the first to acknowledge that, I am sure.

But, shortly after I read out the renouncement's and acceptances, I thanked Father God with every bit of sincerity in me, for the fantastic man he gave me as a Father. For the Godly example he has been to me, for the provision he has made for me, for the, warmth he showed to me, for the patience he had (and sometimes attempted to have) towards me, for the care and the discipline he gave me, for the faithfulness of him.

Its not the first time I have expressed gratitude to God for him, but it was the first time I had done so in such an extended and heartfelt way.

And then, released, for the first time, I simply sat in the presence of Father God. I sang to him. I listened to him. He made me smile. I felt loved, beyond measure. I came into an intimacy with him in a way that I will not spoil by broadcasting. In short I found something wonderful that I've been longing to find most of my life. There was no need for wailing, just a need to know him.

So yeah. It changed me.


'Oddly', when I was just having a Saturday mooch around on You tube I hit on a Francis Chan Sermon, 'Texting God'. (Look it up, you wont be sorry). I was looking at a clip of Rend Collective that had an appearance by FC and there, in the column next to the clip was his rather intriguing title. I had no plans on watching a whole 46 minute sermon. I just wanted to find out what this texting God thing was. I found very quickly, he was talking about intimacy with God. It was so on point for me that I listened to the whole thing. In it he used an illustration with his children to show How God relates so uniquely to each of us. It was quite beautiful. That fed into my prayer time, in a big way. God had meant me to see that.

 I couldn't find a shortened version of the illustration but then I came across this clip. Its Four minutes and it makes the point just as well. So, I will leave you with this, on the day when I learnt anew what the name Father meant.

See you next week for more adventures in identity in Christ....oh and by the way.....

click.

the.

link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLr9mwfCqSg

Freedom in Christ #1

So, our church have decided to host a Freedom in Christ course. A thirteen week discipleship course for every Christian, by Neil T. Anderson and Steve Goss. I am now an active participant on the course and wanted to blog my responses and experiences, week by week, as I endeavour to work some of this stuff through.

Our church have recently emerged from a time of prayer and fasting in which the word of God seemed to be to 'develop intimacy with him and intentional relationships with one another'. For a long time these have both been things deeply on my heart. It is so easy to be caught up in the activity of the church without really connecting to Christ or our community. I felt I have been a little lacking on both fronts. I would go as far as to say I have been extremely flat and disconnected for  a good chunk of the latter part of last year and the early part of this one.

Almost immediately that the word to the church came, God caused a situation which flung myself and two brothers from church together in an intentionally intimate discipleship group. This has been such a blessing. The word discipleship came up a lot as we began to meet together. All of us realising that this sense of being discipled was largely absent from our experience. So the course sounded almost instantly appealing.

I wanted to be a part of what was going on collectively in our church, despite the apparent irony of a 13 week course on freedom in a rather hectic and (seemingly) over committed life. What is freedom in Christ? Is it more than a doctrinal concept, or a spiritual reality that is seldom, if ever, felt? Are there really varying degrees of freedom in  Christ. If I missed a session would that make me less free than the fellow attendees on the course?

You understand, I was not really sceptical, just a little unsure. The course came with some strong recommendations from people I both respect and trust. I was not at all cynical on that level and signed up, pretty much, without hesitation. But when I read the blurb on the back any doubts that this was something I wanted to take part in were reduced significantly when I saw the words

"Take hold of the truth of who you are in Christ, resolve personal and spiritual conflicts and move on to maturity"

I have felt, in short, stuck, for the longest time. Advances in my spiritual life have so often felt as though they were one step forward, two steps back (or in a good spell two steps forward, one step back). I long for spiritual maturity. I long to be fruitful. I long to be free of internal conflict. Alright, the idea of a course seems a bit mechanical but let me tell you, what I have been doing so far isn't working. If the course even delivers in a small part, some of what it is promising, it is worth a shot, in my opinion.

So the course was beautifully hosted and presented but, last Sunday evening as I listened to the 'videos' I found myself thinking 'but  I know all this!"  And I think the term 'head knowledge and heart knowledge' was used and I found myself thinking 'But I KNOW about Head knowledge and heart knowledge'.

But did I really? Did I know, as my old intercession teacher at YWAM used to say, In my knower?

Didn't Jesus say, 'You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free' And I 'know the truth' and am I set free? Sadly, the answer has to be no. I am more free than I was without Christ but am I actually free.

I felt myself starting to warm through the evening (and not just because I was sitting next to the radiator), just the glimmer of a hope emerging through the clouds of reluctance to change (Yes, I was already fighting it). And when we were asked to read a list, out loud every day, proclaiming that in Christ we were Significant, Secure and Accepted, I felt a little unsure. As we read it out together in the meeting, it felt forced. I had a feeling that it SHOULD have meant more to me. I am God's workmanship, I am free forever from condemnation, I am complete in Christ, etc. These were all truths that I would not dispute for a moment, after all, but it felt like I could be reciting a bus timetable. That isn't right, surely. Have I become desensitised to the greatest truths of my faith?

And then in one little phrase, Aleck, who is co-running the group with his wife Lynda, said something which is so simple yet profound enough to sock me on the chin. Summing up, he said;

"So you see, it isn't exactly intellectually challenging but it IS spiritually challenging".


And I think then, I realised again those well worn truths about heart knowledge, that I had neglected. Did I know in my knower? This was no intellectual exercise, it was heart exercise. It was getting into a space where Gods truth can actually start to change me and become, a means of grace.

I am starting this journey now not cynical but hungry for spiritual reality. I am realistic. I know people who have completed the course. They are not a Christian super species. But They seem to have a better grasp on the truth of Gods word than I do. I want some of that. I am happy to take anything positive that the course that can offer and I am so glad to be going on the journey with dear brothers and sisters from my church family.

Throughout my first week I have been, at times mechanically, reciting all the 'in Christ truths' from the list. I have felt no lightning bolt, I have heard no thundershock, but I have become increasingly aware of the concepts of identity in Christ bleeding into my consciousness and my decision making. I must admit I feel slightly disappointed that it isn't yet some kind of Damascus road experience but the fact that so far it has bypassed my feelings and intellect, I think attests to the fact that God seems to be changing me, not by might, nor by power, but by his spirit. And that gives me hope, and Godly hope, does not disappoint.