Freedom in Christ #6

Strongholds



The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Cor 10:4-5

Freedom in Christ defines a stronghold, amongst other things, as; mental habit patterns of thought that are not consistent with Gods word.

In short, these can stop us laying hold of truths because our patterns of thinking are captive to some untruth, some deep rooted lie.

They can be established through our prolonged exposure to this fallen world which conditions us, through traumatic experiences and through repeated falling to temptations. The effects can be to give us a faulty view of reality.


The good news is that they can be broken with this 'divine power'. We can break their power and take captive every thought, making it obedient to Christ.



Again, none of this is teaching that I am unfamiliar with.  I asked myself where the strongholds were in my life, and for the first time in a long time, largely because of what God has been doing through the period I have been on this course, I felt there were no obvious strongholds.

But then, that was the obvious ones. I bet if you asked anyone who lived with me, or knows me well, they may be able to spot some strongholds in my life. What worries me more are the more subtle patterns. By nature, if we are deceived, then we do not realise that we are.

I cant claim to have come that far on the journey, since my last blog. If I am honest, I feel like I have hit a bit of a bottle neck. But it also feels as though there is a lot of pressure in that bottle neck waiting to go phwooosh, when the cork gets popped. I can't help feeling that the 'Steps to freedom' day may be a little bit of an uncorking experience.

Until then I want to ask God for wisdom in discerning these strongholds and in walking by the Spirit.

Holy week; Easter Sunday

 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.  Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. ~ Luke 24:30-31


Since we have been following in Luke I want to move to Luke's first recorded encounter with the risen Jesus. The encounter that two disciples have on the road to Emmaus. 

I love this story. Some of the disciples get the shining angel experience, some get the personal revelation, some get indisputable proof. But some of us simply have our eyes open that he has been with us on the way but we didn't perceive it.

Something simple. Something we do every day, something as basic as eating a meal and it is transformed, when our eyes are open.

And for many of us Jesus appears to us, in our mundanity and reveals that our despair was unfounded, our hope was not in vain, that despite appearances, he never left us. And he is, very much alive.

And it gives me hope that when I am not aware, whatever my circumstances and I am lost, once more, that all may not be as it seems. This ordinariness can still be transformed because Jesus is alive, I only need my eyes open to that fact.

The hope of resurrection, the glorious miracle, taking place, unlike the crucifixion, not in public, on display in full view of the world, but in a concealed tomb, Just The Son, The Father and the Holy Spirit and a pile of grave clothes. Do we not perceive it?

And so hope in us begins, very often in a private place, and resurrection hits us in the most ordinary of moments. And Jesus transforms everything.



Happy Easter everyone!

Holy week; Holy Saturday

Low in the grave he lay, Jesus my saviour.


Today I don't want to write much. I watched a short clip this morning from 24/7 Prayer, whose lent series I have been following this year, and It said, pretty much everything I would want to say. So below you will find a link to that clip, please watch it and afford Pete Grieg the space you would have afforded me. He is much more worthy of it and it only lasts a few minutes.

Before I go, I just want to say that I concur completely with what Pete says. We so often want to rush from Good Friday to Easter Sunday. But I think it is so important to dwell on the Saturday experience. We forget, because of how significant the cross is to us in saving us, what a shattering blow it is. The silence of heaven after the death of its champion speaks as strongly as the cross itself. Judgement has been met. Our sin has caused the heaviest of prices to be paid. Before we embrace the hope and power of resurrection we need to sit with that for a while.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2gX_fMa44E

Holy week; Good Friday

This morning, as I write this blog, I can hear the dawn chorus. Good Friday always fills me with hope, even though it is shrouded in solemnity, it is, as it's name suggests, a 'Good day'. It is the day, of all days, that I look to every day.  It is my reason for existence. The beauty of the love of God expressed to me in what Jesus achieved on that cross. A good day indeed. And hearing the birds sing as the light starts to change and the darkness diminishes feels so hopeful.

But on good Friday Jesus enters the day with a rather different perspective. As the Dawn Chorus commences The rooster joins in the song and Jesus catches the eye of his very close friend who has just denied even knowing him. After the night in custody and the grilling it held, dawn promises that the day will not be improving.

Dragged from pillar to post, mocked and beaten repeatedly, facing the jeering of the crowd and their baying for his blood, sripped, whipped and force marched, carrying the instrument of his own torture and execution, before his mother and friends, and then made a public spectacle of, an example, as he is nailed and then raised.

And in all of it he never wavers or cries out for mercy. He forgives even as he dies.

The sky goes dark.

The temple curtain is torn in two.

'Into your hands, Father, I commit my spirit '.

Jesus dies and all is silent.

After the crowd have gone away, beating their breasts, and the air is silent. Jesus lifeless body hangs limp on the cross, the blood congealing. All is still, once more.
Just another day.

I quietly creep in on the scene for a private audience. I stand and gaze in awe and wonder and with pain. So much pain.

This Jesus who has thrilled and excited me, who has moved me to tears with his compassion for the lost, who has inspired me with his purity, dazzled me.with his simplicity and creative brilliance. This Jesus who awakened hope in me, now hangs here, without hope. Lifeless. Hands that touch leppers, hands that held his mother now held by cruel nails.

I did this to you.

Me.

My sin put you here and if I had been in the crowd I may as well as have been shouting 'Crucify'.

The punishment that bought us peace was upon him,
And by his stripes we are healed.

All we, like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us turned to our own way.
And the Lord has laid on him
The sin of us all.

Holy week; Kiss me, Kill me

How many of us have wanted to do what Peter did. To meet out some old fashioned justice on those who had come to arrest Jesus. The unfairness of it all. The best man who ever lived, seized and dragged before some kangaroo court before being unjustly condemned to death in the most disgraceful way possible.

I think we are supposed to feel the sting of it. Because the injustice of it all, the unfairness of an innocent man dying for  a crime he is innocent of, really reflects on the injustice of our getting away with it. That too is unfair. It defies justice on the most basic level. And the first insult of the many Jesus would receive over the next few hours, that awful betrayal with an act of honour, the kiss of Judas.

And here at the start of the hours of darkness, Jesus asks Judas, before he even reaches him, 'are you really betraying me with a kiss? (paraphrase)

Why is the question so poignant, so utterly loaded?

Judas knows Jesus. Judas knows him intimately. Only hours, maybe only minutes ago, Jesus had honoured Judas by dipping the bread with him, a gesture of respect and friendship and, yes, even love. Judas has been present at all the great miracles. from the feeding of the 5000 to the raising of Lazarus. He has witnessed the insightful teaching. He has seen the tender compassion Jesus has on the marginalised. He has laughed at Jesus' jokes', had his feet washed by him. He was part of the closest circle of disciples, even trusted with the money. And he still didn't get it.

We feel sorry for Judas, so often, because he seemed to be predestined to fail. It was a dirty job but it had to be done. But I don't think we can ever negate the role of Judas' choice in the betrayal. He had more opportunity than anyone (apart from the rest of the12) to see Jesus as he truly was.

For whatever reason though, Judas had his own agenda. To reject Christ so utterly, having known him for who he is (betrayal or no) is really to ask for damnation. Judas knew, somehow, and tragically rejected him. We are told that money played a part, but the dark place from which humanity shuns the Lord of life, played a larger part and Judas succumbed to it. Jesus chillingly states that it would be better for him if he were never born.

And the tragedy is that Judas couldn't even be honest in his darkest moment, when his cover was blown. He was still lying to himself and to Jesus.

Jesus Identifies his betrayer with an act of honour and acceptance, as he shares the bread and bestows grace and love on him even then.

And Judas condemns Jesus to disgrace with an act of honour and friendship. And he seals his fate as he does so.

The lesson of Judas is that familiarity with Jesus does not necessarily imply closeness. It is possible to know Jesus and never really know him. It is possible to see the best of what he does and never really have our eyes opened. where are we right now? Are our eyes open? Are we betraying Jesus in small ways with public acts of love that mask our indifference or worse, animosity.

It is a sobering lesson. May we never be so close to Jesus and not see him for who he really is. May we only see the love in his eyes and may we never miss the point. 

Holy week; Gethsemane

Yesterday I looked at Jesus' source of strength; his prayer life. We saw that some of that was devoted to praying for his disciples. Today I want to look a little more at the prayers offered in the garden of Gethsemane.

 Jesus having done all there is to do, fully faces up to what he is about to undergo. Jesus withdraws again from his disciples for what is a very private moment, leaving them with the instruction 'Pray that you will not fall into temptation', he with draws about as far as a stones throw, Luke records. So private, but not that private. I have often wondered how Jesus private words are recorded so accurately when he went off. The answer is simple. We are told how much anguish he is in. So much that he later sweats blood. I have heard preachers cite medical science to say that, however rare that may be, it is possible under immense stress. It hardly bears thinking about. Have you, even in your worst moments been close to that? I know I haven't.

And he did not suffer in silence. I think that Jesus words "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" was an anguished, gut wrenching cry, so loud that it was audible from a good distance, depending on how far you can throw a stone.

This is one of my favourite moments in the gospels. It is the most beautiful and terrible, simultaneously. The son of God, at his most vulnerable, the weight of the fate of the world hanging on his manifest love for and trust of His Father.

 I felt God show me a while ago, that Jesus, though he had much yet to undergo, won the battle of Calvary, here in Gethsemane's garden. That the real wrestling, the real sacrifice was made, by Jesus, on his knees, when he fully gave his will over to the Father. From then on in, the outcome was a certainty.

The angel then came and strengthened him. It only occurred to me today, that the strength (which is sometimes translated as comfort, literally 'with strength') may well have been more than just strength for the moment, but strength for the task ahead.

And somehow, it has always escaped my attention that he sweats blood, after the Angel has ministered to him. The scripture says, he prayed even more earnestly. Whatever was going on here, we know that Jesus was doing serious business with his Father. The hymn that I quoted yesterday contains the line 'He shed no tears for his own grief but sweat drops of blood for mine'. I have to say that that seems, as poetic and lovely as it sounds, like it is utter fiction. I am not saying that he had no thought towards what he would achieve for us but the grief was all his own. If Calvary was about us, Gethsemane was all about Jesus.

Isn't it amazing that he did not waver for a second in all his trial? Where did he get his strength from? I think he made his peace, here on his knees. Gethsemane held the last temptation of Christ. But the deal was sealed in the agony of his prayer and the submission to the father.

Remember what Jesus said to his disciples as he left them, 'Pray that you will not fall into temptation.'
That was exactly what he was doing himself. He was saying, follow my example. The disciples slept and they fell into temptation, but Jesus never wavered or wobbled.

The power endued on him is tangible as he steps forwards to his would be captors in the same Garden.

We're looking for Jesus of Nazareth, they say.
'I am he' says the Lord.
And they drew back and fell to the ground.

Holy Week: Before the storm

Holy week is building and Jesus ordeal is just days away. He must have been painfully aware of what was to come but the signs of stress are not evident from the text.

I think one little clue to his coping strategy is apparent in the verse that tells us;

Each day Jesus was teaching at the temple, and each evening he went out to spend the night on the hill called the Mount of Olives ~Luke 21:37

We know that the mount of olives was a  place Jesus liked to withdraw to and pray. What he did out there to recharge his batteries, to draw on the Fathers strength, we can only speculate, but from the glimpse we are given in Gethsemane, we can see that he is not averse to pouring out his heart. I see the wrestling that is in Gethsemane is, in terms of the story, the tip of the iceberg of emotions and fears that will almost sink him. In other words, I would be very surprised if this was the first and only conversation they had had on this issue.

Nightly Jesus would withdraw, as was his habit, to a place of peace and he would pray. I would give an awful lot to have been an eavesdropper on those moments. To hear the intimacy, hinted at in John 16, to hear the passion, to see the transformation from deep prayer that came over Jesus as he communed with his heavenly father. What did he say? What did he ask for?

We are, though, given a little glimpse in Luke 22:31 when Jesus seems to take the opportunity afforded by a conversation about greatness, and who is the greatest, to address something that has been on his heart.  We are not told who was involved in the squabble but afterwards Jesus singles out Peter with the chilling words; 'Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat'. We are not told when Satan had asked but presumably not on the spot, then and there. Jesus had obviously been dealing with this issue privately, and in prayer because he says;

 ^"But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

Whenever I have gone through issues that cause me to be in turmoil, I often find that I cannot really address anything else. I find it becomes all absorbing. That whatever conversations I am having I am only really half present. And when I pray I find that it fills my prayers.

Again, I only speculate to what Jesus prayed, and to how he felt, but presuming his impending death and torture were things that he would have preferred to avoid (as his 'take this cup from me' statement indicates) it is even more astonishing that he almost certainly spent time praying for his friends. Friends that he knew were going to let him down, deny him, even betray him.

How great is the love of the son of God. As he moves ever closer to his own dark hour, he weaves around those he loves, a protective cocoon of prayer, that they too may be kept through their own  trial, fail as they will, that they may also emerge transformed in the power of resurrection.

And this same Jesus prays for us now.


Such love. Such grace.

In pity Angels beheld him,

And came from the world of light,

To comfort him in the sorrows,

He bore for my soul that night.

Holy week; The Cleansing of the temple

When Jesus entered the temple courts, he began to drive out those who were selling.  “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be a house of prayer’; but you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’”
  Every day he was teaching at the temple. But the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the leaders among the people were trying to kill him.  Yet they could not find any way to do it, because all the people hung on his words. ~Luke 19:45-48

I want to look at a collection of events that took place in Holy week, to get myself, and hopeful any readers, into a place that is a little closer to Jesus.

I want to look at an aspect to this story that I have never noticed before.

Jesus' passion rises up and he is incensed. The insults that fall on God (that his father's house of prayer should be turned into a place of refuge for those ripping off and exploiting the poor) fall on him (Ps 69:9) and zeal for God's House consumes him. This is not some measured politacally charged symbolic action. He is enraged. The rage that he unleashes was clearly frightening because he succeeded in driving out a hoard of moneychangers without any interference from the temple guards or the priests. Of course at this point he is still riding a wave of popularity and expectation. But the passion is real. Real and all consuming.

What really got him into 'trouble' was not his action against the money changers (which were tolerated as a sort of necessary evil) but the claims that this was his Father's house (and that God was his Father, the claim that ultimately got him summarily condemned). He did not have any authority to do what he did, not in the eyes of the Jewish law at least.

But Jesus, at the start of Holy week has come to claim his own. He has 'Set his face like flint'. He is all business.

If it were just an act, If he were just making a token point, he simply would have moved on, the moneychangers would have waited to see if the coast were clear and come scurrying back to resume their operations.

But Jesus taught every day at the temple. He was going nowhere.

I admire the Jesus we see here so much. Bold, strong, convicted, righteous and Just. And determined, defiant of all the obstacles.

In earlier instances where he was exposed to the threat of death he simply slipped away through the crowd, unnoticed.

How often have we wanted to do that when times got hard and we started taking flack.

But there is a time to stand up. There is a time to be counted amongst the righteous. there is a time to set our faces like flint, no matter what the cost.

Are we seizing hold of those moments? The moments where our actions will cause us to take hold of that for which he took hold of us? Sometimes we have to sit on the promises of God and say 'I am going nowhere'.

Sometimes we have to allow our passion for God to supersede our own inclinations of cowardice. I don't think that this kind of zeal measures out the consequences. It sees the injustice, it sees the opposition, it sees the sin and it takes it on, head on.


 

Freedom In Christ #5

The last session was all about or daily choice. I don't want to go into all the teaching in any detail this time. I want to talk to you about the truth that I am discovering. The greatest thing that had happened to me in the last few months is being empowered to make the right choices.

The thing that hit me hardest about the session was the verse from 2 Peter 1:3.

'His divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness through our knowledge of him who called us'

 I asked myself a question; If his divine power has really given us all we need for godliness then what holds me back?

The answer has to be that 'I do'.  I have read those words from Galatians so many times 'it was for freedom that Christ has set you free' and I am not sure whether I have really deeply believed them. I ask myself, is this what freedom looks like? It so often doesn't feel like freedom. But then I haven't had the mentality of freedom.

I have often felt like I was sort of drifting down the stream of life, bumping off the edges, caught in currents. What this truth is awakening me to is that I can take hold of the rudder. If Christ has set me free for freedom, what else can it mean? Free to not sin, free to follow, free to really live.

And as we sow to the spirit and walk according to it, day by day, our mind is renewed and our eyes are opened. I have had such an increased awareness in moments of temptation of my freedom to chose what is good. And this slavery to righteousness feels far more like freedom than the freedom to sin ever did.

And as we realign our neural pathways and muscles memories to doing according to the spirit, I have found that the fruit of the spirit is in increasing evidence.


Earlier this week small moments of choices to walk by the spirit have led to disproportionate 'harvests' of righteousness. The particular thing I am thinking of involves someone elses personal story and I am not free to share it but I made a choice to not do something that seemed completely reasonable (and possibly godly) and instead listen to the spirit that transformed a personal situation and relationship. It started with a refusal to be judgemental.

I intend to continue to walk in this way and 'roll it out' into as many areas of my life as I can.

This stuff really works. Thank you lord

Freedom In Christ #4

So, I had to hit it eventually. The wall. And man, did it knock the wind out of me.

When I was at Bible college there was a kind of a practical joke campaign of war being carried out (faction against faction) in the boys house, where I and the majority of the male single students resided. One particular trick I remember being played was to sellotape up a guys door with newspaper. On seeing it the unsuspecting victim could nearly never resist crashing through that 'oh so inviting' door of rippable paper. What they never guessed was that before taping up the doorway some heavy item of furniture would be placed blocking the door and they would charge full throttle into it, at the height of their destructive glee. Bible students can be cruel. What can I say?

This wall was like that. To look at; a wall of paper, inviting me to smash through it, as I ran on triumphantly towards victory. In reality, it was masking something way more solid and unmovable. This wall is going to have to be deconstructed brick by brick. The wall has a name  and it's name is 'Worldview'.

I need to rewind a little.

Before the session started, looking at the title 'The world's view of truth', I thought I was in for an easy ride. We have dealt with 'Where did I come from?' and 'who am I now?' (Identity in Christ and security in God) and then we moved on to the even more challenging session on the nature of faith 'Choosing to believe the truth'.

To be honest, I found the last session  so challenging (and it is intimately connected to this session, had I but known it) that I thought we were due some let up. And world views? It's a no-brainer, right?

I know there will have been people on the course to who this was a relatively new concept, but I grew up being told about the absolute truths vs relative truths and the dangers of pluralism. And the session proved to introduce nothing particularly new to say on the subject. Nothing I wouldn't have already endorsed 100%

• The world is the system or culture we grew up and live in.
• Satan is the ruler of this world (John 12:31) and works through it.
• Tactic 1 is to appeal to us, by promising to meet our deep needs, through the channels of lust of flesh and eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:15-17)
• Tactic 2 is to paint a complete but false picture of reality. (these are represented in the book by 3 main worldviews)
• Tactic 3 to get us  Mix 'n' match. Adding Christianity to a pre-existing 'core' world view, rather than adopting a 'true biblical worldview.

This 3 tiered system for keeping us from truth is excessively effective. Where we may, through Christ, get through the first 2, many will never get beyond the third tier.

I will need to explain 2 of the world views which have had the most impact on me in order to proceed with this particular post.

The first is The Western, or 'Modern' world view;

• Divides reality into natural' and 'supernatural'  but focuses only on the natural.
• Sees spiritual things as irrelevant to daily life.
• Reality is defined by what we can see, touch and measure,

The second is The Postmodern world view;

• There is no such thing as objective truth.
• Everyone has their own version of 'truth'.
• Each persons 'truth' is as valid as everyone else's
• If you disagree with my 'truth' or disapprove of my actions you are rejecting me.

I'm sorry if this feels like I am attempting to teach the course but it's necessary for you to know this before I proceed.

I can easily identify both of these worldviews as being prevalent in the culture in which I grew up and live in. I was even aware that they rub off on me and, from time to time, that becomes evident. What stayed with me though, after the session, was this concept of the third tactic. 'Mix n match'.

If you asked me if I believe the bible to be true, I would almost certainly say yes (though I have my off days). The word of god? Yes. The absolute truth? Sure thing. But this is a standard response. The party line. The party I joined freely, the party I love, but none the less, the party line. There are core beliefs which affect me still. And they bubble beneath the surface, undermining much of that which I subscribe to publicly.

At the end of the session we were asked to join in with a prayer that committed us to getting rid of the core beliefs the world has fed us and committing ourselves to how the bible says reality really is.

At the time of praying, despite a slight unease, I felt relatively relaxed about the concept. After all we have been renewing our minds for a few weeks now. But even in the car, on the way home, my mind was starting to unpick my feelings. The unease was growing exponentially.

What I have to be honest with you about now is hard to say. Hard but necessary. I gloss over an awful lot of unbelief. I know, anecdotally that we all have doubt. I doubt that I am unusual in that. But what was really getting to me was the immensity of committing myself to a totally biblical worldview. It scares the pants off of me.

For one thing, I kind of fear becoming a bible quoting robot. A Christian clone, if you will. 'Freedom in Christ' has a certain way of looking at the bible and theology  and it felt to me like I was being asked to hand over my individuality and conform, not only to scripture but to a certain way of seeing scripture. It is the way I have chosen to see scripture too, but it is a choice. My choice. And I have always gone with the belief system because it generally makes sense in its entirety, even if certain things seem difficult to adhere too. I suppose what I am saying is, that although I outwardly subscribe, I have inwardly, at some deeper level, reserved the right to disagree or to 'wait and see' on issues that are difficult.

 You see, I have a coping strategy.  I think it comes from a post modern world view, to some extent. It is that where I cannot fully commit, I attribute the disparity to relative truth. It is in a way, my parachute. My get out clause.

As was implied in some of the material which is not in the handbook (but was taught last Sunday) Sometimes I have to admit that 'I have decided it is true for me'. To be clear, this in no way means that I don't love and serve Jesus in all sincerity. I absolutely believe in God. But this 100% commitment to the truth of the bible has always been a bit of a stretch for me.

Looking back historically, people I admire have often fallen on different sides of debates on theology and biblical interpretation. If these great people cant agree, I ask myself, how am I ever to get it right or to understand? So I take my unbelief, and shelve it, with, if I am honest, little intention or hope of ever solving what I think on these issues.

This compartmentalisation can fall into modern and post modern worldviews. They allow me to duck out of any issue I find challenging instead of diligently studying and praying and asking the Spirit to guide me into all truth.

I also, at times, have fears that it wont hold up to thorough examination in light of science. I worry that I wont be able to do it justice if I attempt to defend its truths to non believers. I am so far from being scientific. I have chosen, at this deeper subconscious level, to focus on my spiritual experience and relationship. It is easy to justify as love and relationship are at the heart of the gospel, after all.

I have talked to others about my faith, sure....if it came up. And if controversial areas arise, I duck out of them, deflecting the questions. Why should I endorse a point of view that I cannot even understand fully myself. You see, it goes deep. And implications for living in a way that endorses this 'totally biblical world view' are immense, as I am sure you will appreciate.

But it wasn't always like this.

When I was first 'saved' I was an ardent evangelist. A real bible-basher. I spent so much time trying to argue and convince people into the kingdom. And if I wasn't trying then I was feeling rather guilty about not trying. I made a nuisance of myself. My belief in the bible as the word of God seemed unshakable. My commitment to biblical truth unwavering. But it became exhausting. Exhausting and often disappointing. I got tired of being tired. I got disappointed with all the disappointment. And I reverted gradually to this altogether safer world view.

It wasn't deliberate but it happened.

In the light of session 3 I understand now why I was shaken so much by the words which told me that my actions are evidence of what I really already believe. And I ask myself what about hell? If I truly believed in hell would I not spend every waking moment trying to save souls from it.

So many issues. This blog may be on the long side but I could spend days writing about this stuff.

How do I know how to interpret the bible?

And, as I have prayed this through God has spoken to me through scripture again. I have to thank my good friend, Martin Thompson, who steered me gently back to the scriptures themselves and prescribed a course of reading by the way of godly commentary on the subject of biblical authority. It was an absolutely invaluable nudge. But in all the encouraging words he spoke to me as I laid my heart out to him on how difficult I was finding this (I couldn't pray for days) the thing that stood out and caused me to seek out the scriptures was a phrase from Hebrews 4.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (v12)

Just the mention of it renewed hope. It didn't flow instantly but it reminded me that there was somewhere to turn.  It was actually the last scripture I looked at but it ties in so well. So here was my warning that the word of God (which includes scripture) good judge and expose my heart. Which he was about to do. Penetrating and dividing, remember that. The next lines say;

 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (v13)

But I haven't looked at this yet. When I do, I will see also that this passage is directly linked to the bit  (v14-v16) which speaks about Jesus, our high priest, who is able to sympathise with our weakness, and the invitation to boldly approach the throne of grace, with confidence. The very verses that have been central to my growth, through this course.

But the first thing to come to my mind, when I prayed through this, was a verse from James, also chapter 4;

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (v8)

I have to confess just the latter part jumped out because it contained the word 'double-minded'. Which is what I was now recognising myself to be.

The session had referred to Elijah's battle with the Prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. How long will you waver between two opinions? If Baal be God then Serve him but if the LORD be god, then serve him. I think after seeing what Elijah did I, had I been present, would have been convinced of who was the real Boss.

As I read this I was enticed by the invitation that we 'come near to God' but then after a little dwelling on it I saw something which may be obvious but that I had never noticed before. What does he prescribe for the double minded? In my own partially logical brain I would have thought that the double minded needed to have a rather good think about it and decide which was the best route to go down. But James prescribes a rather different cure. For the problem of the undecided mind he prescribes an undivided heart. Purify your heart you double minded.

So what the word tells me is that this isn't an intellectual problem about scriptural interpretation or scientific evidence. This is about a heart that needs purifying in its allegiances and motives.

To purify is get rid of foreign bodies, to turn up the heat and cause those things which are not pure to burn off. To separate it from what defiles it. If it were two substances fused together into one, it would take all the components that were pure and reunite them in one place, leaving the rest for the slag heap.

because my boys were using my laptop this morning I was studying these scriptures using my concordance in the back of my bible. I happened to notice that James uses double minded in another place (1v8)and so, before moving on, I would have a quick look at that reference too.

 

 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The verse refers to someone who wont believe in the wisdom they are given (which could easily apply to my situation) and the results speak for themselves. But when I read the little footnote that came with my study bible on this verse I was rather taken aback.

"1:8 A double-minded man is a person drawn in two opposite directions. His allegiance is divided and because of his lack of sincerity, he vacillates between belief and disbelief, sometimes thinking God will help him and at other times giving up all hope in him. Such a person is unstable in all his ways. Not only in his prayer life. The lack of consistency in his exercise of faith betrays his general character."


It is around about here that I, feeling very uncomfortable indeed, get extremely grateful for grace and forgiveness. Oh the mercy I obtain at that throne of grace which I can boldly approach in confidence because of Jesus intervention. It is so sweet to me. But it is also his mercy that he lets me see myself, at times, for what I am and that includes the incisive way in which the commentator took the word of God, just there, and applied it to my heart to judge its thoughts and attitudes as it penetrated and divided my defence. I felt laid bare when I read that. But comforted too, because I am seeing the sense in all this. I don't need to be an academic, I need to chose Gods truth and have faith and confidence in its unfolding. All truth is God's truth. God is truth, Jesus is The truth and the Spirit leads us into all truth. I simply need to commit myself to that and diligently work it out from there.

I found myself praying 'Lord give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name'. And I knew that was from a psalm, so I looked it up.  I looked at in in three different versions. The NIV says 'give me an undivided heart' which is the path that led me here. The NLT says 'Grant me purity of heart' which links up completely with James 4:8 (purify your hearts you double minded). 'It is slightly different in the NKJV, but I love it even more. It says everything I need to hear.

Teach me Your way, O Lord;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
For great is Your mercy toward me,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

 

 

 

 

Okay. So now you know. I haven't come close to dotting every 'i', but in principle and in heart, I can fully commit myself to this journey, by Gods grace. Because I am trusting him and I trust his word.