Okay, so I promised you honesty

With all my enthusiasm for lent this year (after last year was such a success) I have had an epic fail at pretty much the 1st hurdle.

Shortly before lent I seem to remember preparing and delivering a session for my youth on the character of Elijah. I'm pretty sure that the session was delivered off the back of a massive high after getting back from a leaders conference. I came back, not bubbling with frothy enthusiasm that wouldn't last but full of a quiet confident resolve to apply myself  in a diligent way to the furthering of the gospel and the kingdom of God. Or so I thought. One of the recurring themes of the study was the way that some of the incredible highs of the ministry of this, arguably the most mighty man of God in the old testament  (notably the showdown with the prophets of Baal) were followed by the almost suicidal lows of the blackest depression. The study pointed out rather perceptively that often it is after our greatest successes that we are at our most vulnerable to attack. It makes complete sense as we are caught off guard, sadly often by our own complacency.

I have to confess that this quiet confident resolve soon gave way to headlong plunges into pools of indifference, and less than cautious toe dips into the shallows of rivers of past sins. The thing that fascinates me right here is that when we are ambiguous about unnamed sins that the minds of our hearers will often race into all kinds of lurid speculations almost automatically. Another thing that fascinates is my almost immediate urge to qualify it and play it down. Honesty (or integrity) asks that I do neither of those two things. As I know people from my home church may possibly read this (and do I post it on my churches email google group as I usually do when I know it will make me look good?) I wonder about the wisdom of this. For any of you reading let me tell you that there ARE people I will confess my weaknesses to but this is possibly not the forum for such an activity. Let me say that I am human and prone to every temptation,  like Jesus was as he walked our earth. I must have confidence in my brothers and sisters who I hope strive (as I do) to follow the not judging command, that they will simply pray for me and bless me.

As I've said in the past one of the tasks of fasting is to hold a mirror up to our true nature...and on this one, job done! and the other is to rise above it.

This week I went for my first appointment with the man who is to be my "Spiritual Director". As we chatted in the presence of the third person in the room and he gently asked me "How is your relationship with God at the moment"  I felt suddenly overwhelmed with raw feelings of need and inadequacy but more importantly....longing...longing to know him and be known. As the Ghost of Christmas present says (in the Muppet's version at least) "Come in and know me better man". In that short but lovely conversation it suddenly became apparent to me that what I want...above all things is RELATIONSHIP and not religion. That my relationship with my creator exists, and it exists outside of the confines of doctrine and social cleeks and denominations and self imposed prisons. And like it did for Elijah in his suicidal low of blackest depression, it came for me yesterday evening, at about 8 pm, the still small voice of God, breathing hope back into me. Hope and life and the realisation that God does not want a relationship with the person I am trying to be. He wants relationship with the person I am.

And so I am going on in this ongoing journey of relationship discovering the moist and bloody fledgling of the new man trying to emerge through the cracks in the eggshell of the old man.

Lent: Read this before you eat your Pancakes

I was walking round my local village Tesco last week when I spied an offer for "Liquid Pancake Mix". I knew that that lent (rather late this year) was on its way. I wonder how many of those who take part in Shrove Tuesday will be going on to fast for the duration of Lent. Of course the tradition of Pancakes came about as a way of using up left-overs on the last day before the fasting started. Seems to me a little bit of an irony that we might go to the shop to buy pancakes specially for the occasion.

I'm not from an Episcopal or Catholic background and though Ive been raised in a Christian home I dont think I had a clue about Lent until reaching adulthood. We had Pancakes every year wiothout fail but I didnt have the first clue about fasting. Perhaps this an acurate picture of a certain kind of Christianity....one that revels in the feasts and avoids the fasts...that looks for the delights but ignores the disciplines.

For the first time last year I decided to give lent a go. My motivation, if I'm honest, was to make Easter a bit more special (with the added bonus of potential weight loss). I thought that if I arrived at Easter having completed this that my heart would be better prepared to worship.

In typical moderate style I decided I would give up Chocolate, sugar in drinks and Alcohol. Unfortunately My birthday arrived shortly after the start of lent last year and so within a week of commencing my no choc policy I had been given 3 chocolate cakes. Also I just kept forgetting about the sugar thing as its such an established habit. But the no alcohol  held for the duration. I had been hoping to feel more spiritual throughout this period but what I found was generally the reverse. Fasting very often exists to show us the utter domination that our appetites have over us and as Paul asserts the command do not covet only really brings about in us every covetous desire. Watch the film Chocolat and the scene where the mayor finally gives in to his temptation and wakes up having fallen asleep in the shop window after a mammoth chocolate gorge and you'll see a great picture of this.

As "Holy Week" came about I began to wonder how to intensify my devotions a little. I decided to post a status on my facebook page every day that had an Easter theme. I used Hymns mainly and bible verses. I found that the process of doing this caused in me a meditation and I was being deeply moved by it. By the time Easter Sunday came the service and the meaning seemed richer than ever and  I found that this spiritual blessing had caught me by stealth.

Why was I surprised? I should have known that God is a rewarder of those who seek him. Can I challenge you this year to be a fast Christian as well as a feast Christian.....but only if you want a deeper understanding of |God, all other motives will be self defeating.

Btw I like mine with Golden Syrup!

OMG

On my boys last weekend stay I heard something from my sons lips that I naively hoped I'd never hear. On approximately 5 or 6 occasions My eldest used the phrase "Oh my God". That is what has prompted this blog. Blasphemy is a hot topic in the world at large right now. Only 2 days ago Shahbaz Bhatti was gunned down for his opposition to the blasphemy law in Pakistan. Shahbaz was a Christian, and no doubt opposed to true blasphemy but for religious freedom. For him it was Literally a matter of life and death. We throw that phrase around so easily in the west "I disagree with what you are saying but I will defend your right to say it".

A W Tozer said "What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us". If spiritual reality is what really matters then this must be true. I can always remember the way my late mother used to wince when someone on telly or in the street used to say "Jesus Christ" and I wished that I felt that sting as acutely as her. The new testament tells us that Jesus has been given the name above every name. This is the spiritual reality. It also tells us that Jesus "became a curse" to redeem us from the curse. This is the earthly reality working its way out of the mouths of believers and unbelievers mouths alike. Sure it pains me to hear the name of the one person who can save us being kicked around like a beer can in some back ally but in truth....I've gotten used to it. Over exposure will do that to you and to be fair to my Mum....she surrounded herself with people who valued the name she loved so much.

I think the far more socially acceptable form of taking the name in vain is even more disturbing., in some ways. Oh my god is now regularly reduced to OMG. To say that we have a low view of God as a society is, I fear a touch of an understatement. And to know how desensitized we've become to it is even more so. When I challenged my son (very gently I hope) his total incomprehension was a perfect mirror of society at large. There is not even a register of  wrongdoing. It is as if there were no God to get offended. This is exactly what taking the name in vain is all about. Reverence is dead. Tozer argues that your concept of God defines the quality if your worship and life. If we do not revere him or his name....lets be honest...there is no worship.

My ex-wife just smiled to herself when I mentioned this and then shrugged her shoulders. She is not indifferent to the concept of God and is in someways far more reverent (not having that cringe-making over familiarity with the "almighty" that some Christians have) However to her this wasn't really an issue. So now I must accept the fact that for the 80% of his life when he is away from me a completely different set of values are being enforced and re-enforced. All I could say to my 7 yr old son was that God is the a very special name to me and we need to treat it with respect. How do you convey that when words dont sum up your feelings and the world doesnt know him, Lets be frank in a world where the word sacred is trvialised or personalised at best. Telling him these things helps me to re-asses my own thoughts on the subject. As Tozer says "Only after an ordeal of painful self-probing are we likely to discover what we actually believe about God". After all that is where the true blasphemy begins....inside of us, where Gods significance in our lives is initially diminished and his influence is undermined. As Jesus says "blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God". Can we stop long enough in our busy lives to see where the impurities lie and seek Christ for our cleansing..


Bit of a heavy one this and I hadnt planned it to be so but the realisation has dawned on me that we cannot condem the world for what it does not know or understand. We must simply put our lamp on its stand so that it may give light to the whole room!