I was not late, as I usually am, because of my tardiness. Not on this occasion. I was late because, during the day my ex-wife informed me that she was unable to be home before 7 (The time the course starts) and could I drop the kids back after 7.
I have found at times, that when God is doing something significant, these little set backs seem to crop up. In fact, it occurred to me during church, that same morning, that this scenario may occur. My immediate feeling was that this was an attack of the devil (and by logical progression, my ex was an agent of the devil). My second thought was if the devil wants to prevent me from going, God must be doing something important. My third thought was that despite the rising sense of indignation, I have been in such a peaceful place, since starting this course and I knew that if I entered into (more than likely fruitless) arguments with her over this I could so easily be sent over the edge and end up ruining any good witness that the work of god is bringing about in me.
I breathed a sigh and let it go.
Freedom in Christ was still attainable, even if I missed half an hour of Steve Goss. In fact freedom in Christ is not attainable, it is already ours (Steve would be proud)...we have to realise it.
I share this with you to encourage you that, yes, this course is bringing about fruit in my life and also that it is significant that the devil should try and disrupt it. It means he is panicking.
So the handover of the kids was actually pleasant (with gratitude expressed at my understanding attitude) and I arrived reasonably calm and able to take on board the teaching which this week is summed up thus
- We are a new creation. The old has gone. The new has come.
- We are not sinners but saints (who sometimes sin)
- We don't have to sin, but if we do 'Our fundamental Relationship with our Heavenly father does not change'
- We are not condemned but have a compassionate God who has made a way for us to boldly approach his throne to obtain grace and mercy
Now, to a seasoned veteran like me, this is all like teaching Grandma to suck eggs. Like I said last week, there is very little here I don't know but it is the way the truth affects me that I am now concerned with. Not solely what the truth is. But what FIC is trying, and succeeding, to do is to impart the importance of the perception of our identity. If our identity is as a sinner (but forgiven) rather than a saint we are likely to sin. this is important because;
"It's not what we do that determines who we are. It's who we are that determines what we do."
In typical FIC style, simple but so profound. I am finding this subtle shift in perspective, half an inch to the left, is changing how I see the whole picture. And the picture is changing me.
Hence the priority of the first week being on our identity IN Christ. It all seems to flow from there; Significance, Acceptance and Security. Loved utterly. Forgiven completely. Provided for eternally.
But all of this has only sunk in, maybe minutes before I came to blog.
The homework this week was reading out, every day, a list of renouncement's and affirmations of who our Father God is not and whom he is.
For example;
I renounce the lie that my Father God is; absent or too busy to be with me.
I joyfully accept the truth that my Father God is; always with me and eager to be with me
Each of the affirmations of truth carry bible verses and we were encouraged to look one of the personally meaningful aspects up and ask God for insight as we read. The affirmations cover a lot of ground. God being, amongst many other things; warm, intimate, patient, gentle, trustworthy, forgiving and proud of us.
Now, I instantly felt a resonance at the meeting as we all read these out. It has been a desire of mine, for the longest time, to become more intimate with the Father. Unlike the previous week, when it felt almost mechanical, I wanted to proclaim the words as passionately as an Englishman can in public.
I looked forward to the change this was going to bring about. And each day, with only slightly varying degrees of passion, I happily renounced and accepted awful and fantastic things (respectively) and I looked forward to the wonderful blog I was going to write to tell you all about it.
But as each day went by I began to wonder what on earth I was going to write about. As nothing particularly seemed to have happened. I was aware that my perception of God had changed ever so slightly. It was easier to have a handle on his character (in so far as it is expressed in these truths) as I talked about him through the week. No perceptible shift in my prayer life though and I was starting to get desperate. I resigned myself to the idea, instead, of just writing about the teaching we received last week. After all, this is supposed to be an honest reflection of my experience during the course....so cooking it up wasn't really 'on'.
And then today came. During my prayer time something wonderful happened.
Now, writing about the whole Father heart of God thing is rather tricky, not least because my own Father will undoubtedly read this, and it will be read by people who know and respect him.
I remember receiving a week of teaching in my YWAM discipleship school days, on the Father heart of God. Everyone in the know said 'This is the week when you will lose it'. Apparently their is often deep ministry needed around this area. And, as was the want of YWAM in those days, this meant a lot of wailing and tears. On the last day people went forward for prayer for the issues that had been stirred up by all the teaching. I remember racking my brains for an angle on this. I didn't want to be left out, after all. I figure you can find feelings of rejection and abandonment almost wherever you want, if you look for it. I had prayer. I am not sure what for. It made little impact on me. But I knew that it should have.
I just want to say, about my Dad, that he is not perfect. Do I have any cause for complaint? Are we all human?
I understand now, as a Father myself, that whoever we are, we are lacking in some department. We cannot be everything we would want to be for our children. We certainly cant be everything they would want us to be for themselves. As an adult and a Father, I understand this now. My dad is unable to be all that I am looking for and need. He would be the first to acknowledge that, I am sure.
But, shortly after I read out the renouncement's and acceptances, I thanked Father God with every bit of sincerity in me, for the fantastic man he gave me as a Father. For the Godly example he has been to me, for the provision he has made for me, for the, warmth he showed to me, for the patience he had (and sometimes attempted to have) towards me, for the care and the discipline he gave me, for the faithfulness of him.
Its not the first time I have expressed gratitude to God for him, but it was the first time I had done so in such an extended and heartfelt way.
And then, released, for the first time, I simply sat in the presence of Father God. I sang to him. I listened to him. He made me smile. I felt loved, beyond measure. I came into an intimacy with him in a way that I will not spoil by broadcasting. In short I found something wonderful that I've been longing to find most of my life. There was no need for wailing, just a need to know him.
So yeah. It changed me.
'Oddly', when I was just having a Saturday mooch around on You tube I hit on a Francis Chan Sermon, 'Texting God'. (Look it up, you wont be sorry). I was looking at a clip of Rend Collective that had an appearance by FC and there, in the column next to the clip was his rather intriguing title. I had no plans on watching a whole 46 minute sermon. I just wanted to find out what this texting God thing was. I found very quickly, he was talking about intimacy with God. It was so on point for me that I listened to the whole thing. In it he used an illustration with his children to show How God relates so uniquely to each of us. It was quite beautiful. That fed into my prayer time, in a big way. God had meant me to see that.
I couldn't find a shortened version of the illustration but then I came across this clip. Its Four minutes and it makes the point just as well. So, I will leave you with this, on the day when I learnt anew what the name Father meant.
See you next week for more adventures in identity in Christ....oh and by the way.....
click.
the.
link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLr9mwfCqSg
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