Freedom in Christ #1

So, our church have decided to host a Freedom in Christ course. A thirteen week discipleship course for every Christian, by Neil T. Anderson and Steve Goss. I am now an active participant on the course and wanted to blog my responses and experiences, week by week, as I endeavour to work some of this stuff through.

Our church have recently emerged from a time of prayer and fasting in which the word of God seemed to be to 'develop intimacy with him and intentional relationships with one another'. For a long time these have both been things deeply on my heart. It is so easy to be caught up in the activity of the church without really connecting to Christ or our community. I felt I have been a little lacking on both fronts. I would go as far as to say I have been extremely flat and disconnected for  a good chunk of the latter part of last year and the early part of this one.

Almost immediately that the word to the church came, God caused a situation which flung myself and two brothers from church together in an intentionally intimate discipleship group. This has been such a blessing. The word discipleship came up a lot as we began to meet together. All of us realising that this sense of being discipled was largely absent from our experience. So the course sounded almost instantly appealing.

I wanted to be a part of what was going on collectively in our church, despite the apparent irony of a 13 week course on freedom in a rather hectic and (seemingly) over committed life. What is freedom in Christ? Is it more than a doctrinal concept, or a spiritual reality that is seldom, if ever, felt? Are there really varying degrees of freedom in  Christ. If I missed a session would that make me less free than the fellow attendees on the course?

You understand, I was not really sceptical, just a little unsure. The course came with some strong recommendations from people I both respect and trust. I was not at all cynical on that level and signed up, pretty much, without hesitation. But when I read the blurb on the back any doubts that this was something I wanted to take part in were reduced significantly when I saw the words

"Take hold of the truth of who you are in Christ, resolve personal and spiritual conflicts and move on to maturity"

I have felt, in short, stuck, for the longest time. Advances in my spiritual life have so often felt as though they were one step forward, two steps back (or in a good spell two steps forward, one step back). I long for spiritual maturity. I long to be fruitful. I long to be free of internal conflict. Alright, the idea of a course seems a bit mechanical but let me tell you, what I have been doing so far isn't working. If the course even delivers in a small part, some of what it is promising, it is worth a shot, in my opinion.

So the course was beautifully hosted and presented but, last Sunday evening as I listened to the 'videos' I found myself thinking 'but  I know all this!"  And I think the term 'head knowledge and heart knowledge' was used and I found myself thinking 'But I KNOW about Head knowledge and heart knowledge'.

But did I really? Did I know, as my old intercession teacher at YWAM used to say, In my knower?

Didn't Jesus say, 'You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free' And I 'know the truth' and am I set free? Sadly, the answer has to be no. I am more free than I was without Christ but am I actually free.

I felt myself starting to warm through the evening (and not just because I was sitting next to the radiator), just the glimmer of a hope emerging through the clouds of reluctance to change (Yes, I was already fighting it). And when we were asked to read a list, out loud every day, proclaiming that in Christ we were Significant, Secure and Accepted, I felt a little unsure. As we read it out together in the meeting, it felt forced. I had a feeling that it SHOULD have meant more to me. I am God's workmanship, I am free forever from condemnation, I am complete in Christ, etc. These were all truths that I would not dispute for a moment, after all, but it felt like I could be reciting a bus timetable. That isn't right, surely. Have I become desensitised to the greatest truths of my faith?

And then in one little phrase, Aleck, who is co-running the group with his wife Lynda, said something which is so simple yet profound enough to sock me on the chin. Summing up, he said;

"So you see, it isn't exactly intellectually challenging but it IS spiritually challenging".


And I think then, I realised again those well worn truths about heart knowledge, that I had neglected. Did I know in my knower? This was no intellectual exercise, it was heart exercise. It was getting into a space where Gods truth can actually start to change me and become, a means of grace.

I am starting this journey now not cynical but hungry for spiritual reality. I am realistic. I know people who have completed the course. They are not a Christian super species. But They seem to have a better grasp on the truth of Gods word than I do. I want some of that. I am happy to take anything positive that the course that can offer and I am so glad to be going on the journey with dear brothers and sisters from my church family.

Throughout my first week I have been, at times mechanically, reciting all the 'in Christ truths' from the list. I have felt no lightning bolt, I have heard no thundershock, but I have become increasingly aware of the concepts of identity in Christ bleeding into my consciousness and my decision making. I must admit I feel slightly disappointed that it isn't yet some kind of Damascus road experience but the fact that so far it has bypassed my feelings and intellect, I think attests to the fact that God seems to be changing me, not by might, nor by power, but by his spirit. And that gives me hope, and Godly hope, does not disappoint.