The Night I Unintentionally Saved a Girl's Life.

So this post, as you will be able to surmise from the title, paints me in rather a good light. And, for once, I want to hold up my actions as exemplary. I did save a girls life. But I didn't perform a death defying rescue. I simply made a phone call. Not a 999 call under emergency circumstances. I simply invited a girl to a party and, In the click-bait language of social media...."YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!"


It was new years eve, 1992. I was 19 and I was home for the Christmas period from a year long residential course I was on, training me to be a missionary/church-worker. Some of my church friends were having a get together, as we had done on the previous few years. As there were only a handful of us around, (And although it was not my party to invite people too) I started trying to think of some of our youth who were perhaps a bit younger than my contemporaries.  Soon we had broadened out the guest list to make about a dozen or so of us. And I was quite pleased with myself. I had kind of made this party happen!

It wasn't until I was at the hosts house, and the party was underway, that I realised I had left someone out.

"A" was a girl of about 15. She was quiet, a little shy, friendly and, it seemed to me, quite a sociable young lady. She had kind brown eyes and always had a big smile.

She and her family had really joined the church during my first years away, so I didn't know them very well. Her older sister was a similar age to me, and I knew her a little, socially though parties and the like, but not "A". However "A" and I had bonded a little at after-church coffee  over our shared enjoyment of metal music.

So when I looked at our little gathering and realised that "A" was not there, I could not begin to think why I had not invited her...other than the fact that it was not my party, but that had not stopped me inviting everyone else!

And, when I suggested it to the rest of the merry-makers, I realised that, apart from a couple of the younger ones, most people in this group did not seem to have a great connection with her, as more than a couple of voices were slightly disparaging about the idea.

And, being my outspoken self (at least amongst this group of friends) I argued them (The disparaging ones) round  and eventually they agreed that I could invite "A".

Her mother answered the call, when I phoned from the phone attached to the wall under my friends staircase. We got on very well, (the mother and I) and she seemed delighted that someone had called for her slightly reclusive daughter.

"She's in her room, Matthew" she said in a rather jaunty sing song voice, "I'll just go and get her".

I had, at that point, never been to their house, and didn't know how long it would take for her to reach her daughter's bedroom, but I knew it wasn't so big that it took the 5 mins or so it took A's mother to return to the phone.

When she did return, her voice was drained of all jauntiness.

I wasn't offered an explanation. I was told very simply,

"Matthew. Something's happened. I have to go".


It wasn't until a few days later that I found out what that something was.

"A" had attempted to take her own life.



She had taken an overdose of some kind of pills and my last minute invitation had caused her unconscious body to be discovered. Thank God. They managed to save her.

I am writing this blog because I had almost lost all memory of this event when, out of the blue, just a few days ago, I started to think of  "A".

A few years back her parents, who have long since left the area, came back for a trip down memory lane and had wandered into our church bookshop, where I was working as a volunteer that day.

I naturally asked after their daughters who I had not seen for the best part of twenty years.

And, what surprised me was that "A" was not only okay......but positively thriving. It seems she is living today in America and is happily married with kids and living on a gorgeous ranch which they own. I saw the photos, and it was gorgeous. Not that it is important but I don't think they are short of a bob or two, let's put it that way.

And, as I remember gazing at those photos, I am amazed that I should have been instrumental in the saving of her life. I am even more amazed that such a confident, beautiful and successful woman had ever even contemplated ending her life, let alone taken action to ensure it.


There are a few lessons.

I cant tell you why she did it, or how it came to that state of affairs, but I know "A"s sense of loneliness and worthlessness was not only a misconception, but it was also  a lie. I also know she had allowed herself to be isolated and that her sense of misery and worthlessness was compounded by that.  Which in turn propelled the isolation.
There were a number of people who cared about her, but she was not in a place to hear those voices. She had disconnected and as a result, reality was distorted and pain amplified.

And here is a lesson for us as a wider society. A little bit of care goes a long way.
I was not burdened with any sort of supernatural sense that "A" needed help. I merely thought that she should not be left out. And I reached out.

There are so many nights where I might have been more self-absorbed and would not even have thought of "A".

Thank God, New year's eve 1992 was not one of those nights.


I think we need to be looking out for those who are withdrawing and disconnecting. We never know what they are going through.

And I think we should be more willing to reach out to one another. To go the extra mile. To carry someone's load. Or even, (and tragically, sometimes this is all it takes) to take an interest. Just a simple act of kindness or friendship  could save someone's life.