Just a quick catch up and then I will reflect on the reading for the most recent day; Day 11.
I have decided that rather than report on my experience, which if I am honest has not so far been varying much from day to day, and therefore there is less to write about, I will reflect on what Wendy has written for that day, and at least apply my mind to that. It gives me some stimulus for writing and will hopefully help me better engage with the material and, who knows, maybe even God.
My last time of writing was on Tuesday. It's now Saturday morning. Technically Day 12, but I'm reflecting on everything up to this point. Today will be included, hopefully tomorrow, but in the next entry, whenever that is.
I don't if I am honest have much to add. This week has been a very strange one and rather busy in it's own way, as I have been having some car problems that have made logistics a little more all consuming than they would usually be, and my mind has been occupied with a lot of other things. I am very pleased to say that as much as possible I have been able to keep up with the daily readings and also my churches bible reading program (This week we moved from Esther to Ephesians). But the amount of activity has made me, if I am honest, perhaps less reflective, that is to say it has taken my attention away from such things, especially during prayer times. And sometimes activity is a way of keeping God at arms length. We'll go here a little more in a moment when I talk about day 11's reading. Activity can be distraction. Ironically even 'devotion' can be a distraction, a comfortable barrier between me and Jesus. I fear the silence and I surround myself with noise. Silence is an open space and leaves nowhere to hide. I'm not sure what it is I am not facing but I know we have business to do, and I am most likely putting it off. The social media blackout, I am afraid, is all too easily replaced with nothing much, the nature of which is usually insignificant and miniscule, because although fb occupies a big place in my life, it really is just a few minutes here and there. But it is the little things that often take our eyes from the bigger picture.
In today's (Day 11) reading Wendy talked about idols. The bible verse she quoted was quite phenomenal;
"Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God's love for them" ~Jonah 2:8
It's funny because just Thursday night I was saying to a friend about the readings and how they weren't really going deep enough, and she was saying she felt the same, and then BAM, today happened! I think in todays reading, to some extent I found the thing that I really need to fast from. In a way FB is part of it, but overall it comes under a much bigger banner. Entertainment. It is the little amusements that I distract myself with, the noise I use to drown out his voice, the curtain I hide behind from his searching gaze. The thing I turn my face towards the most. When I have time to use for him or to spend with him (In a conscious way, I mean) I don't even ponder it. I simply burry myself in distraction. It's true that I come up to surface once in a while, and it's true that I hide from my responsibilities here as well as from God but largely, wherever I can, I immerse myself in films, shows, games and social media.
She says; "In the quiet of a selah pause, consider what it is that you turn to most. That which you turn to most often is often that which turns you away from God."
In my case it literally is. But I see here that the "Idol" itself is not the problem. It is my heart. Wendy also quotes Matthew 6:24, that you cannot serve two masters. You will love one and hate the other. Hate seems a bit strong to talk about my feelings towards God, but if I behave in such a way, then my actions really are speaking in such terms. But I Love God. But how do I show it? I have been like Adam, and the films are my fig leaf. I'm ashamed to be seen. When you're obese you avoid mirrors, and when your stuck in sin, you avoid God. I need to walk naked in the garden again, metaphorically, I might add!
Entertainment can be of value, but it is nothing to live for . It is useful, but it is useless as a God. And this idol I turn to....it turns me away from his love....the very thing that I need. Adam and Eve misunderstood God because of their shame, they did not anticipate his love. He made them clothes out of animal skins, in a foreshadowing of Christ. A death and a sacrifice to cover our shame. I was ready for a social media fast, but I am not for an entertainment fast, but I see one coming on the horizon. And for now, I need to learn to walk in the garden again.
No comments:
Post a Comment