the difference

Okay, I have a question. What is the difference between a Christian and the rest of the world? I am currently living in a shared house. There are 4 of us at present and the divide is an even 50/50 as to believer status. My original intention in this living arrangement was to be a "witness" by sharing our lives. If I'm honest, when I got into this my desire was to have a christian majority (3/4). Safety in numbers I guess. Somehow, initially I found even these odds a little intimidating. Why, I have to ask myself. I think I now have some insight into this. Is it because I am ultimately insecure in my faith and actually coming from a weaker position instead of a stronger one. Well, possibly, to a degree but. I suppose it boils down to this; I don't want to be continually questioned as to the validity of my beliefs and more importantly i don't want to be exposed as a hypocrite by the contradictions in my lifestyle and my message. In short...can I walk the walk as well as talking the talk...and boy can I talk!

Being in my (ahem) mid 30's I have enough life experience to know that in normal terms "I ain't no saint". I know that even with the best will in the world, with all my best efforts at piousness my faults will be all too obvious and sometimes the more religious I get the more obvious the faults are. So why go ahead with the decision to open my life to scrutiny and to allow that to be the acid test for a few people to see the nuts and bolts of the spiritual workings of a self professed christian? I guess it's this....that I really believed that with all my faults, that in my openness to make mistakes publicly, that in my choices sometimes to repent and about face and in my willingness (and in the absolute necessity) to apologise and make amends that God IS present....and though I am undeniably human...he is undeniably God and he is in me by his spirit. If you like; Christ in me, the hope of glory.

I think, given my evangelical background, that too much emphasis has been put on beliefs and "ticking the right boxes", that the foundations of our faith are far too often based on systematic theology and not the love of Christ. How seriously do we take Jesus command to "Judge not less you are judged". I personally break that one hundreds of times every day. There is only ONE judge.You don't need to look at the bible for too long to find out that these issues of belief are far from clear cut. Its mixed up, wheat and weeds. Moral ambiguity and double standards are rife.....the mist of ambiguity only clears for me around the person of Jesus Christ, suddenly the focus of our gaze becomes crisp and clear and bright....for as Colossians tells us; we are looking at the visible image of the invisible God. It is over reliance of doctrinal positions that causes us to live in Ivory towers and form christian ghettos. We are called to be "not of this world" sure. We are also called to be IN it.

I had a sad conversation with one of my non christian housemates last night. He can acknowledge that I at least aspire to follow the life I preach and to help people out, to love my neighbour and that there are others in the church he has met that also live a life of kindness and compassion. His argument is that those who live like this are no different to non believers who are compassionate...that this isn't really an indication of the reality of Gods love but simply a natural disposition. That there are others in the church who would have simply "walked on by" when he was homeless. I cant argue with that, much to my regret.

So What is the difference? I know what motivates me personally (and I know that my motives can be mixed) but am I just a "good man" (I shudder slightly to say that) in christian shoes? Where is Christ in me? Oh lord Jesus for some resurrection power. Am I really a child of the light, are they really children of the darkness? All I can tell you is that I can walk into a church as disillusioned as anyone, wallowing in self pity and bogged down with the guilt of my sin and failures and suddenly we sing a song to Jesus and my heart is summoned back to life. There is a presence with Gods people and focusing on him that I experience nowhere else. Worshipping him it all makes sense. He is my hearts home. At the end of the day it comes down to faith....and I simply believe...I cant help it!