I find myself yearning again for transformation. This yearning that is the reason for my current series on renewal of the mind. BE TRANSFORMED by the renewing of the mind (Rom 12:2).
I suppose it was God that asked me, during some earnest prayer, why is it that I want this so much? Why is it that I am not satisfied without it? And the answer came to me that it is worthiness that I seek. And worth is very much at the heart of that word. My sense of worth cannot come (I speak as myself and not in the name of truth) from simple acceptance. I am not good enough and I want to earn it.
But the answer to this, as to everything, is in Jesus.
God made it very clear to me, and especially this morning, that I am acceptable in his sight because he looks on Jesus' worthiness and transfers it to my account. I am not only accepted through Jesus, but I am acceptable in him.
But my first gut response to this is far from holy. It is, I am ashamed to say, an affront to my pride. I find this so hard to accept. On paper, in theory, academically and intellectually I 'agree', I almost acquiesce to it, but when I view this in place of my personal sense of needing approval, it doesn't quite cut the mustard. There is something buried deep in me, possibly from childhood, that tells me it must be deserved. And God knows I don't deserve it.
There is this thing. This thing is in me that yearns for approval and recoils from disapproval. I honestly don't know which of those is more powerful in my life, but I guess they are two sides of the same coin.
I would describe myself largely as a people pleaser. Not a particularly effective one, but none the less it forms a large part of my motivation. As a result I often agree to things I shouldn't and shy away from fights I should have. It's a fear based way of being that only offers the fruit of destruction and ironically pleases very few people, myself included.
When I prayed this morning and God asked me about my motivation, my verbal response was, in essence, that I wanted to be pleasing to him.
And then The Holy Spirit and I began to unpack that a little. The result of which was that a subtle difference in motivation was highlighted which changes everything. I wanted to be pleasing to him, but I wasn't seeking his pleasure. I was seeking his approval. To be pleasing rather than to please.
He reminded me in his grace that I am approved of, in Christ, that his delight is in me, that he is rooting for me, willing for me to succeed, but it is not necessary for his approval. I already have that. He rejoices over me with singing.
What I do I should do for love and not for pay. The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life. We don't work for wages, but our response is to be one of loving and life giving gratitude for the gift he has already bestowed on us. His pleasure should please us.
I am reminded of the Olympic runner Eric Liddell, about whom the film 'Chariots of Fire' was made. He said, of his sport, 'When I run I feel his pleasure'. In a kingdom sense, his pleasure should please us, and ours him. Which leads me, with synergy, back to Romans 12:2.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
We should hear that. At least I certainly should. His perfect will is good and pleasing. That's good, pleasing and perfect to and for us by the way!
Jesus said,
‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’~Matt 11:28-30I believe now that pleasing him is an easy yoke, and a light burden. That doesn't mean it wont mean work, but you are assured of the Father that whatever you do from love of him will bring him pleasure, and, I suspect, it should bring you some too.
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