Day by day

Well, it's a new year. Again. I avoided writing during the crimbo limbo period, frankly because I was out of  steam, all blogged out after 25 days of continuous blogging under the broad heading of advent.  Blogged out, that is, until I discovered the idea of writing a new blog on the subject of faith and (single) fatherhood. (See present father/absent kids). I think, by the time new year came I had had my fill of reflecting. Reflecting had become the writing equivalent of leftover turkey.

 

But reflect I must and, now enough time has passed for my soul to recover from the rich Christmas fare, I am ready to start again. I suppose the wisdom of not putting faith in any new years resolutions is sound. The idea that will power alone will help me to achieve all that I have failed to achieve in previous years simply because I "really mean it this time" is a nonsense. One definition of stupidity is to keep on doing what you have always done.....and expect a different result.

 

There is a place for will power. Of course there is. How can adversity produce character in us if its not through perseverance of choice in the light of many shortfallings and failings. Isn't the purpose of Gods grace to get our wills aligned with his. All the platitudes about grace will not hold fast unless we hold the end of grace within sight. The grace of God has come that we may be enabled to walk with him and to become more like him. God does not want to take us over or sweep us along despite ourselves. To me grace is the hand that is offered to help us walk away from the mess we've made, That hand is extended and never retracted. This to me is grace. That he calls forth the response from deep within my soul, deep calling to deep, come away with me, be still, be mine. I feel at times like I have resolutely refused to take that hand. I have thanked him for the offer. I have marvelled at the offer of it, I have told others about how amazing it is....but have I really taken it? Aren't we told "worship the lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength"? Yes, indeed, my will is involved in my sanctification. But it alone will not keep me.

 

I remember seeing a far-side cartoon where a boy is sweating and straining  as he pushes with all his might against a door marked "pull". The plaque on the door reads "School for the gifted". I think that this is, in  some way, what I am like trying to get close to God with my efforts. The force I exert actually makes sure the door stays shut, the efforts I make are often counter productive in that I try to be good enough. If I am honest, really honest, I have to say that it is not God I am trying to impress. It is myself. I dont need to impress the God who made me. He sings with delight over me. I need to accept his love and live in his presence with simple heartfelt gratitude. If I stopped pushing sometime, I would be likely to realise that the door is already unlocked and simply needs a different approach. Isn't that what repentance is. Stop. Think. Change your approach.

 

This year is a year to put Jesus at the centre. I am tired of doing it my way. I want to have a Martha spirit for the whole of 2013. To sit at the feet of Jesus and chose the better part.

 

To see Thee more clearly

 

The challenge in '13 is to cleanse our vision. Huxley (Aldous) wrote of cleansing the doors of perception. His viewpoint was that in order to see truth we needed to break through these doors of perception to see the truth that lay on the other side. He advocated a variety of approaches to achieve this "cleansing" including spiritual and chemical means. We know that Jesus himself is the door to the truth (and is the truth that lays beyond it). Jesus said "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free". It is about how we see him. Do we see him? Really see him? He asks Peter Who do people say I am? Peter replies "Some say John the baptist, some say Elijah, others one of the prophets!" And then Jesus says

 

"And who do you say I am?"

 

We know that Peters revelation and declaration that Jesus was the Messiah, the son of the living God, was one of the high points of his discipleship but the question echoes down 2000 years of space and time to you and I. Who do I say he is. What do I see when I look on Gods son? That question defines us, both in this life and the next.

 

this year I want to get all the clutter that surrounds Jesus and look right at him, know the truth and be set free.

 

Love thee more dearly

In the same way that seeing is said to be believing, seeing Jesus clearly is to be in love with him. I know a lot of people have hang ups about how lovey dovey we are about Jesus but it is not that kind of love. Its a love like no other. We need to be like babies. The psalmist talks about being satisfied in God like a baby at the breast is satisfied. I have stilled my soul, like a child at suck at its mothers breast.

I remember so clearly the moment my son was born, the agony of the silence before he cried. That silence was the scariest thing in the world...and then, at last, he coughed up the fluid he had swallowed and with vomit and a  splutter that sound erupted into the delivery room. The first thing they did with him was to take his blood smeared little body and slap him down on his mothers naked abdomen. Skin on skin they call it. It serves a bonding purpose. Bonding is so important.

I remember when I first came to the Lord. It was a lot like that. I was a mess, bloodied and sticky and traumatised. But I felt so close to God. That bonding time I had as a new christian has set me up for life. In a sense it was a foretaste of what was to come and in a sense it was the best it was ever going to be. That rawness of love and the skin close nearness of his presence let me know I was his. And he feed me, and I grew, and I was satisfied in him.

We need to get back to this childlike dependence again. Not to be immature Christians, not to fed on milk, but to recognise the source of our life, to love the touch and taste and smell of his presence, to realise that this pattern of love and closeness is to echo throughout our life with him. To kindle the bond of love which gives us the relationship that will in turn give us the ability to stand, walk, run and fly. Put that love at the centre of your life in 2013, cherish it above all other loves.


To follow thee more nearly

In a sense this is the hardest of all but it flows from the first two. To see and love him will lead us to follow him. To follow more nearly, to never be so far behind we cannot hear what he says, to never be so far in front we cannot see where he is going. We must keep in step, follow closely. Isn't this how Jesus says that he lived. I only do what I see the father doing, he said. It means shedding possessions and travelling light and it means giving up our own plans where necessary. The hardest thing Jesus had to do, I believe, was in Gethsemane when he decided to see it through, obedient to death, following Gods lead.


So my prayer is that day by day (as the song says) we will put Jesus more and more at the centre of our lives in 2013. Have a blessed year. staying close to Jesus and bearing fruit in all seasons.