Helping Hands

As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.~Exodus 17:12


The words came to me as I waited. "strengthen the arms". While myself and others were gathered around various members of a particular church ministry this Sunday morning, I waited for words from God. There were a fair few of us crowded around this particular chap and as people laid hands on him, as is often the case, I found myself, with a greatly limited amount of viable body parts on which to lay my hand. I slipped my hand between others and rested it awkwardly on the back of his upper arm. Then, as other, enthusiastic and passionate people launched into their prayers I asked God silently for some words or a picture. That was when these words came, "Strengthen the arms".

As is often the way I almost immediately started to dismiss the thought as just a feeble link between my consciousness and sub-consciousness suggested by the location of my hand. And maybe it was. But we do believe, after all, in a God who is in all, and who is working in all things. I explored the words in my mind as I half listened to the other prayers and asked the Lord to make it a bit clearer.

This man is part of our healing on the streets team. It was in this capacity that he was being prayed for in the service in question. The team go out into the streets of our little market town and set up stall, inviting people from the public to come and sit down to be prayed for. And here is the key; payer. As I thought more about it I remembered that this brother is involved in just about every type of prayer ministry going in the church. He prays for people in the prayer room after our services, he attends most of the prayer meetings, is always heavily involved in weeks of prayer and fasting and he personally leads a team of people who prayer-walk the streets of our town and surrounding villages.

I toyed with the idea of simply praying that he would receive strength for all the work he does but as I waited my turn, independently the image of Moses holding up the staff of God (while Joshua battled the Amalekites) came into my mind. I knew this man was a Moses type, a prayer warrior. It occurred to me that he, in his prayers, was like Moses holding up the staff. While he does so we, just as Joshua on the ground was, are winning the battle.

God has been speaking a lot to me about two intricately linked (and seemingly opposed) aspects of our spiritual service. One is our Value as part of a team the other is our value as individuals. I seriously doubt here that I will add anything new to this well trodden pathway but I want to encourage us a little.

1. I am an individual.

In the story there are at least four roles being discussed. We have Joshua leading the fight against the Amalekites. We have Joshua's troops in the thick of the fighting, dying and killing in the midst of the fray. We have Moses on the hill top holding up the staff. Latterly we have Aaron and Hur holding up Moses hands as he holds the staff aloft. It doesn't take a genius to be able to see that in order for this to work we need all the elements to be present. If the army is all Moses or all Joshua, it isn't going to work. If we are all supportives, like Aaron and Hur (but there is no Moses) there is no cutting edge, the effectiveness is lost. You get the picture. It may seem here that I am emphasising teamwork over individualism but that is not so. I merely point out that there are different roles in order to show you that who you are is extremely important. We all need to find our place to serve, our sweet spot. Yes we are asked to do things at times that we are not as comfortable with, to step into the gap and cover for each other but never think that that is all we are to do. God made you YOU for a reason. Knowing where we are most effective is a vital key in ensuring that we are as well placed as possible to serve the kingdom as effectively. No Aaron should be trying to be a Joshua, thinking that Joshua's role is the one with the most honor. That would be a disaster when battle came. Likewise Joshua would be partially wasted only standing up on the hill top while timid Moses leads the troops into combat.

I do not think it an overstatement to say it is vital, absolutely vital, to discover who you are and invest in investigating what bit is that "Tiggers do best" in your own case. Don't be afraid to try and fail at some things along the way. Elimination is a vital part of our walk and with Godly wisdom and grace it can be just as valuable as a prophetic word. Who are you in him? There's a question worthy of exploration. You are Gods valued possession and his gift to the church. Never underestimate your part.

2. We are all individuals (working together as a team)

Just as it is vital to know who you are it is vital to know where your place is and how to work harmoniously with others within that sphere of service.This is all tying in with my personal journey right now because I have recently been liberated by finding that there are some things I have been trying to do that are not part of my gifting or my calling. In some ways, by pursuing these I may have even drained valuable resources away from better uses. Once you know who you are you can step back when you need to and allow others to flourish in what they are called to do. Conversely you can step forward into the breech when you see there is something that you know you can do that is not being done.

In the story each are playing their part and yet working together. Today I had another picture as we were praying for our new youth worker. These pictures seem to grow as I explore them. This one started with a sense of a meeting of roads. Peoples journeys coming together. I felt that at this junction in our churches history we were all meeting at the same place and bringing different experiences and talents together for one purpose. Then the picture transformed into rivers converging, tributaries and smaller rivers meeting and forming a larger more powerful river, one that will go out into our community and bring life in the wastelands, refreshment and healing though what it causes to live.

This team picture is important to me because the worker who we were welcoming today will in some ways be taking over (or at least adding to) some of the roles and responsibilities that I have hither to held. And so it is important to understand that there are no egos here but only one purpose and heart; To glorify God and to make his love known. And the river picture helps me (and I hope it helps you) because it is as we flow together that what we do becomes more powerful, more vital, more effective. In working and walking together we do not LOSE our identity but rather, if we walk in love and reverence of one another and of Christ, we FIND our identity and we find, in our church family, those who are prepared to hold up our arms when we get weary and so we win the war and share the victory the Lord has bought us.

And so I concluded that God wanted to bring people in to "strengthen the arms" of this prayer warrior that I was praying for. He is an amazing man and I honor him and I believe God honours him (and wants us all to) as a man who knows who he is and where he should be serving, as part of the body. But also the word that God bought to me does not absolve me of any responsibility of looking at how I may be a part of this arm strengthening. Quite apart from bringing the word I must look at how best to support this brother who supports us all. This is part of our flowing together. One in mind, heart, purpose and direction. One body, one people, one church, one love and one Lord. To him alone be the glory, forever.

I must, I must, improve my trust.

 An unusual thing happened to me of late. My little Nissan Micra became financially unviable after it failed its MOT. Nothing unusual about its failing; it failed every year without fail, if you'll forgive the wordplay. As a rather older car it was a bit prone to the old rust and each MOT revealed some new welding job, or other, that had to be done. I accepted the cost of the welding as part of the overall running cost. As not much else went wrong with it, it seemed quite negligible in the grand scheme of things. However the hundred pounds or so that it usually cost was not a negligible sum to me. I scarcely have ten pounds to spare at the end of each month, let alone a hundred. Fair dues though, I have always managed. Some how God has provided for me. This year, however, the overall cost of the repairs were closer to £400. Given that my car was given to me for free and its actual value would have been estimated at a couple of hundred, it made no sense to pursue its repair, whether the Lord provided the money or not.

Now I say that I have always managed but this does not mean that I have always been calm about the situation. I would love to be able to paint a picture for you in which I am a gentle and unassuming man of faith with a steady confidence and unwavering belief in the Lords provision, a certain steel in my gaze as I stride confidently into the future God has for me. The truth, though, is that I am a flapper and a worrier. It doesn't seem to matter what my past experience of Gods provision is, there is always an element of panic. I don't so much stride confidently as shuffle reluctantly.

I have no reason for such panic really. God knows how much I need that car but then, that's just the thing; God KNOWS how much I need it. Its not a material thing, as such, its not a nice extra. It is not too much of an exaggeration to say it's essential to the smooth running of my parenting and many other aspects of my life. Essential maybe a slight overstatement but I would say that it is integral to what I do.

I have no reason for such panic. My first car was given to me by a friend who was something of a mechanic. My second car was given to me as a birthday present by my Father. My third car was given to me by friends from my church. My fourth (and present) car was given to me by an acquaintance through the youth work I do. You see, God and his people have looked after my transport needs so well (and I hear them all say "If only you had looked after your transport well") that I have every reason for having confidence in Him.

And we come now to the unusual thing I spoke off at the start of this blog; a sense of trust in God. As things started to go pear shaped with my Micra, I really started to panic. I knew that this time there was no way I was going to be able to afford to fix it, even if the cost had only been a hundred again. I was so worried that I got my house group to pray that it would pass its MOT. It felt as though I were asking for a resurrection. On the morning of the test I was running around like a headless chicken trying to sort out bits and bobs, spending precious money, needlessly, on it.

 Later while I was at work I got the call to say that she had failed and what the estimated cost of the repair was to be. What I experienced, although I had. in my way, already tried to trust him previously and had placed it all in his hands, was a genuine sense of peace about it all. Not a sort of airy fairy cloud-like peace but a calm confidence that it was being looked after. I think finally all the good he has done for me over the years has started to filter through. I think its my lesson of the moment. I am still in the middle of this car crisis but some really decent saints have come to my aid time and time again and I am getting through it and learning a good deal in the process. I know God will provide for my need and his grace is sweet and it is sufficient no matter what the outcome.

I chose the illustration of the car to show you the passage of Gods faithfulness to me. It is so hard to trust him in the present when all seems to be falling apart. It is hard in those times to remember his past faithfulness. If I told the stories of his miraculous mechanical provision from a pulpit they might sound like victorious faith storys but at the time it never felt like that. It felt like a tale of blind panic followed by embarrassed relief.

But this doesn't just apply to cars. Like I said, it's Gods lesson of the moment to me. I am a very slow learner. I cant tell you how pleased I was with myself when I realised that my first reaction, when I get something tangled in a chair leg is no longer to simply pull harder to free it. Now my first reaction is to stop and then to trace the cable (or whatever it is) to the source of the blockage. When I found myself doing this instinctively, I realised that I really had changed. I found it so moving and such a real source of hope. I know, its a joke, right? But when these things don't come naturally to you they mean a lot more. So this first sign that I am beginning to trust him more is a real relief to me too.


Do not let your heart be troubled. You have put your trust in God, put your trust in Me also.~ John14:1


And so I find myself just starting out on this voyage into the realm of real trust. I feel like a boy in a dinghy just pushing off from the coast into truly deep oceanic waters. But the truth is I can trust him for everything. In the waiting and the surrendering of fear; I am growing, character (no matter how slowly) is forming. He is in every situation and so I can trust him for my future. I can trust him for my children. I can trust him that if I am to be alone or partnered, he is my all in all. I can trust him for my loved ones who have gone on before me. I can trust him for my mother, who trusted him as she worked through the process of healing from the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. She trusted him year after year, turn after turn, from mountain peak to valley floor. She wavered at times, sure, but she proved him trustworthy. That is her legacy to me, that is what I always remember about her faith, her sincerity and her certainty in the ultimate goodness of God. She was given a prophetic picture about three tears that must be shed for her healing. The last tear that had to be shed in this picture was for her fear of death. I believe that God showed her first hand, at the age of 57, there really was nothing to be scared of and he showed her, first hand, for herself. She would have been 65 tomorrow.

Its all an MOT; Matter Of Trust!

I think that for all of us, trust is sometimes the hardest lesson of all. It means relinquishing control (but don't worry, it was only an illusion anyway), it means laying down the idols (yes the idols) that we have formerly leaned on for support, it means walking in darkness with nothing but a promise and a hand to hold. But that hand is stronger and more sure than anything in all creation, it is your fathers hand, the hand of God.

                                                 

 

Jennie Anne Burt

(Mum)

  05/02/1948 - 26/07/2005



The Greatest

"Not everybody can be famous. But everybody can be great, because greatness is determined by service." - Martin Luther King.


Dr King was referring here, of course, to Jesus' words from the gospels (Matthew 23), "the greatest among you will be your servant". Dr King was indeed made famous, the prominent spokesperson for African American civil rights campaigners in the sixties, as the man of the hour in the height of the struggle against racial segregation. I am afraid, to my shame, that my knowledge of him is limited to the kind of trivia you may pick up from the back of a beer mat or a children's "book of facts". I know enough to know he was a great man of god. I also know enough to know he was a flawed and human character. I also know he spoke with great, great bravery and courage and I know the power of god was laying heavily upon his words. I cannot tell you if he sought prominence and fame for its own merit, I cant tell you if he was given over to the vice of vanity and pride, if he loved to be "greeted with respect in the market place" or if he loved to have the place of honour at banquets. But I can say that he was indeed great despite being famous. He was great for the very reason he gives here, he served his people, and in helping to bring dignity and respect to the disempowered and discriminated against black communities of  America he served that whole nation as he gave towards all communities not only having the joy of respect but the joy and peace of respecting their fellow men. The problem was not solved, or anywhere near it, but it was vastly improved because of his service. Martin Luther King Jr gave himself fully to the cause. He knew the risk and in the face of it, like Christ himself, he counted himself nothing. As he said, eerily, in his final speech

 Like anybody I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do Gods will....And so I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man! Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!!

I just want to do Gods will. Isn't that amazing. At 6:01 pm the next day he was shot dead on the second floor balcony of his motel.

It struck me as I read this quote this morning, posted by a friend on facebook, that I am not sure if I have ever really believed what Jesus said, to be true. I don't mean that I dispute the truth of the statement but rather that I doubt my belief in it, my commitment to it. Jesus, in the same passage, challenges both Rabi's and the disciples together when he says;

But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers.  And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah.
 

 If I am honest, laughable as it may be to those of you who know me in person, I crave recognition. It is a weakness and a temptation that I am very aware of. In the same way I am wary around those who smoke certain illegal substances, for fear of falling (somehow) back into that horrific pattern that ruled my life, I am also wary around this subject. The truth is, however, in the circles of church culture I have moved in, I see a few individuals who respect and uphold this principle but a great deal more who pay lip service to it at best. I intend no criticism here that does not land squarely on my own lap too.

There is a celebrity culture in the church just as much as in the world. People speak of famous preachers in reverential tones, they hold "Pastors" somewhat in awe. I am by no means saying these people are not worthy of respect. But the principle Jesus operates within clearly shows us that the true place of honor given to them in terms of Gods kingdom, is in the spirit of service with which they preach, or pastor or pray or prophecy. Paul says, in his "parts of the body" metaphor in 1st Corinthians that we are to treat the parts of the body that are shameful with greater honor. I have a feeling that those who are going to graduate with honor on the great day will be those who did what they did, whatever they did, with their whole heart for God, in service to him and his people. All other motives and "honours" will burn in the flames.

What would my life look like if I sought to serve others before I sought to serve my own reputation. What would it look like If I sought to honor Jesus before I looked to gain honor through my association with him. Would there even be a blog?  I don't think fear of having mixed motives should stop us serving him. We are covered in his grace, after all, but I think we need to, as much as it depends on us, examine our motives and remember that the heart can be "deceitful above all things". That's why we need his word to judge it by, that's why we need the insight of the Holy spirit, in all we do. We should bring him our lives and our supposed areas of service and say "Lord if there is any offencive way in me, put your finger on it now, unite my heart that I might praise you in a worthy manner".

Jesus after he had washed the feet of the disciples told them to do likewise. He said "No servant is greater than his master". Guess what? The master has just done the most scummy job in the house! What then should we be doing? I know I am guilty of, much of the time, wanting the praise of people over the praise of God but the praise of people is fickle and unsatisfying. Mankind looks on the outward appearance. Sometimes that outward appearance is the the false impression we try to create of our inner life. The Lord looks on the heart. God will not be mocked. We reap what we sow . If we sow to our sinful significance craving nature we will reap from that nature a type of spiritual death (I mean a "dead" fruitless area in our lives) but if we sow to the serving spirit we will reap from the spirit life and health and peace. The praise my heart really longs for is that final phrase "Well done good and faithful servant". I want to be able to say with Martin Luther king, "I'm not fearing any man" and "I just want to do Gods will".

                                           

Settled grace

I have mixed feelings about snow. It can be the most beautiful thing. It can also make my life as a cleaner of train stations really, really hard. The first element that really affects me is the way it hits driving conditions. I apologise if you are from somewhere that has real snow but I am about to have a good old British moan about a couple of inches, as is our want. When I worked at Gatwick airport snow made the pace of work change, with long periods of delays followed by frenzied periods of activity. In this job it simply makes an easy job into a nightmare. I have about 4-5 hours of driving in my 8 hour day. A journey that usually takes me an hour and forty minutes yesterday took me 4 hours. That's what snow does to us in this country.

So when I first hit the phenomenon that is snow, whilst doing the job I am currently in, I was not happy about how long everything was taking. I was not happy about the potential danger or the wheel spinning as I was trying to drive away from a level crossing but the hill kept sucking me back down towards it. bu there was a fringe benefit to the snow, a cherry on the icing, so to speak.

One of my jobs is to pick litter up at each of the stations I go to. This was, at the time, the bulk of my work. And so when I discovered that all the cigarette butts and beer cans and sweet wrappers and glass bottles were buried beneath a healthy half foot of snow I rejoiced. I rejoiced because I was instantly making time back. Granted not more time than I had lost with the driving, but still a great deal of it. You see the snow had covered over all the rubbish.

And when I stood back and just looked at it, it made the grotty stations I was servicing at the time rather beautiful. Snow can transform almost anything into a thing of wonder and/or beauty. It emphasises certain qualities not seen before, it softens harsh edges, it even makes loud noises softer. It lies over an entire landscape and changes your relationship to it. You even have to walk differently, tread carefully. Each brand new step in fresh snow is so delicious. The wonder of that crisp sound.

It strikes me that snow is a picture of Gods grace. You knew it was coming, right? I hate to disappoint. I will let you do the donkey work, matching up the different elements of those metaphors I have shared with you. I just want to concentrate on the broad sweep of it.

Gods grace is in forgiving our sin. We are saved by Jesus sacrifice for us, once and for all. This is grace enough. Its an amazing unmerited favour, that he should pardon us from every sin we have committed, every careless word, every friend we stabbed in the back, every addictive substance we succumbed to, every jealous thought; all dealt with. All paid for. In full, by Jesus. And this forgiving grace falls over the landscape of our sin and transforms it. it covers all the rubbish, it lends its own pristine crisp cleanness to that which was soiled and dirty.

But snow melts. The joy I had in discovering that at least I didn't have to do all that litter picking soon turned to annoyance and frustration as when it thawed after a few weeks and I found that all that litter had not really gone away. I had a mammoth task ahead of me. This is where we have to depart from the husk of the metaphor, for it cannot hold the seed of Grace for long. Grace is far superior.

When I woke up, the day after my wonderful conversion, the day after having received a spiritual sense of cleanness and joy that was beyond anything I have ever experienced, I woke up with the same stuff on my mind as the day before. Mainly, how to get high. But Gods grace had not melted. The sin that was covered by gods forgiveness was still covered. Gods grace would cover my sin not only the day after my conversion but for the whole 6 months it took me to get free from my lifestyle. God grace did not melt then. It covered my sin right through the next three years of ministry and missions and training, it covered my mistakes, it covered the stupid things I said, the people I hurt, the people I scared. It covered me when I made many mistakes whilst courting, It covered me as I slowly fell out of going to church again, it covered me as I came back. It covered me as I began to raise my children, as I started to learn though trial and error what being a parent was all about, It covered me when my mother died of cancer and I was so grief stricken that I masked much anger with God. It covered me when my marriage fell apart. It covers me now. Right now where I stand. it covers me for my future, it covers me forever. My sin is not counted against me. God said;

"Come, let us settle the matter. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow"~ Isaiah 1:18

I love this. The matter is settled. The snow of Gods grace has fallen on the landscape of my heart and soul. The matter is settled, the snow is settled, grace is settled and our life is beautified and transformed. When Father God looks on a child of his grace he no longer sees ugliness and sin he sees what he has done through Jesus. That was the work of almighty God and it can never be undone.

Day by day

Well, it's a new year. Again. I avoided writing during the crimbo limbo period, frankly because I was out of  steam, all blogged out after 25 days of continuous blogging under the broad heading of advent.  Blogged out, that is, until I discovered the idea of writing a new blog on the subject of faith and (single) fatherhood. (See present father/absent kids). I think, by the time new year came I had had my fill of reflecting. Reflecting had become the writing equivalent of leftover turkey.

 

But reflect I must and, now enough time has passed for my soul to recover from the rich Christmas fare, I am ready to start again. I suppose the wisdom of not putting faith in any new years resolutions is sound. The idea that will power alone will help me to achieve all that I have failed to achieve in previous years simply because I "really mean it this time" is a nonsense. One definition of stupidity is to keep on doing what you have always done.....and expect a different result.

 

There is a place for will power. Of course there is. How can adversity produce character in us if its not through perseverance of choice in the light of many shortfallings and failings. Isn't the purpose of Gods grace to get our wills aligned with his. All the platitudes about grace will not hold fast unless we hold the end of grace within sight. The grace of God has come that we may be enabled to walk with him and to become more like him. God does not want to take us over or sweep us along despite ourselves. To me grace is the hand that is offered to help us walk away from the mess we've made, That hand is extended and never retracted. This to me is grace. That he calls forth the response from deep within my soul, deep calling to deep, come away with me, be still, be mine. I feel at times like I have resolutely refused to take that hand. I have thanked him for the offer. I have marvelled at the offer of it, I have told others about how amazing it is....but have I really taken it? Aren't we told "worship the lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength"? Yes, indeed, my will is involved in my sanctification. But it alone will not keep me.

 

I remember seeing a far-side cartoon where a boy is sweating and straining  as he pushes with all his might against a door marked "pull". The plaque on the door reads "School for the gifted". I think that this is, in  some way, what I am like trying to get close to God with my efforts. The force I exert actually makes sure the door stays shut, the efforts I make are often counter productive in that I try to be good enough. If I am honest, really honest, I have to say that it is not God I am trying to impress. It is myself. I dont need to impress the God who made me. He sings with delight over me. I need to accept his love and live in his presence with simple heartfelt gratitude. If I stopped pushing sometime, I would be likely to realise that the door is already unlocked and simply needs a different approach. Isn't that what repentance is. Stop. Think. Change your approach.

 

This year is a year to put Jesus at the centre. I am tired of doing it my way. I want to have a Martha spirit for the whole of 2013. To sit at the feet of Jesus and chose the better part.

 

To see Thee more clearly

 

The challenge in '13 is to cleanse our vision. Huxley (Aldous) wrote of cleansing the doors of perception. His viewpoint was that in order to see truth we needed to break through these doors of perception to see the truth that lay on the other side. He advocated a variety of approaches to achieve this "cleansing" including spiritual and chemical means. We know that Jesus himself is the door to the truth (and is the truth that lays beyond it). Jesus said "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free". It is about how we see him. Do we see him? Really see him? He asks Peter Who do people say I am? Peter replies "Some say John the baptist, some say Elijah, others one of the prophets!" And then Jesus says

 

"And who do you say I am?"

 

We know that Peters revelation and declaration that Jesus was the Messiah, the son of the living God, was one of the high points of his discipleship but the question echoes down 2000 years of space and time to you and I. Who do I say he is. What do I see when I look on Gods son? That question defines us, both in this life and the next.

 

this year I want to get all the clutter that surrounds Jesus and look right at him, know the truth and be set free.

 

Love thee more dearly

In the same way that seeing is said to be believing, seeing Jesus clearly is to be in love with him. I know a lot of people have hang ups about how lovey dovey we are about Jesus but it is not that kind of love. Its a love like no other. We need to be like babies. The psalmist talks about being satisfied in God like a baby at the breast is satisfied. I have stilled my soul, like a child at suck at its mothers breast.

I remember so clearly the moment my son was born, the agony of the silence before he cried. That silence was the scariest thing in the world...and then, at last, he coughed up the fluid he had swallowed and with vomit and a  splutter that sound erupted into the delivery room. The first thing they did with him was to take his blood smeared little body and slap him down on his mothers naked abdomen. Skin on skin they call it. It serves a bonding purpose. Bonding is so important.

I remember when I first came to the Lord. It was a lot like that. I was a mess, bloodied and sticky and traumatised. But I felt so close to God. That bonding time I had as a new christian has set me up for life. In a sense it was a foretaste of what was to come and in a sense it was the best it was ever going to be. That rawness of love and the skin close nearness of his presence let me know I was his. And he feed me, and I grew, and I was satisfied in him.

We need to get back to this childlike dependence again. Not to be immature Christians, not to fed on milk, but to recognise the source of our life, to love the touch and taste and smell of his presence, to realise that this pattern of love and closeness is to echo throughout our life with him. To kindle the bond of love which gives us the relationship that will in turn give us the ability to stand, walk, run and fly. Put that love at the centre of your life in 2013, cherish it above all other loves.


To follow thee more nearly

In a sense this is the hardest of all but it flows from the first two. To see and love him will lead us to follow him. To follow more nearly, to never be so far behind we cannot hear what he says, to never be so far in front we cannot see where he is going. We must keep in step, follow closely. Isn't this how Jesus says that he lived. I only do what I see the father doing, he said. It means shedding possessions and travelling light and it means giving up our own plans where necessary. The hardest thing Jesus had to do, I believe, was in Gethsemane when he decided to see it through, obedient to death, following Gods lead.


So my prayer is that day by day (as the song says) we will put Jesus more and more at the centre of our lives in 2013. Have a blessed year. staying close to Jesus and bearing fruit in all seasons.

Where joy and sorrow meet

                                                                                                                                   

                                                        


|Advent Blog; Christmas day

I was driving around at work today (christmas eve at the time of writing) and flicking between radio stations. The usual DJ's, the good ones, were mostly on holiday and I found myself listening to classic fm. For those unfamiliar it is a commercial channel that plays exclusively classical music. They were playing carols all day. I have fairly broad musical taste but I have only ever found a few pieces of classical music that I love and so it has rarely been my station of choice. I didn't put a lot of stock in the version of Hark the herald angels sing that was playing when I first tuned in. I thought I'd bear with it and I am so glad I did.  The very next Carol was the most amazing piece of music I think I have ever heard. It was a choral version of "In the bleak midwinter", one of my mothers very favourites. My mother, who died 7 yrs ago in her mid fifties, was extremely fond of choral music. Her two favourite carols, to my memory, were "O Come. O come Immanuel" and "In the bleak midwinter". Both Carols have a fragile uplifting beauty that bursts through the skin of a melancholic melody. When those crystal clear voices harmonise and form chords, at certain points it is like an irresistible force that draws water from out of my tear ducts, an almost chemical reaction to such soulful beauty. This carol on the radio undid me. I arrived for my next job literally wiping the tears away.

It was not just the beauty of the music and words though. It was the association with my mother. I spoke at the start of my advent blog of my "first" Christmas. It was on this first Christmas, on my first return to my family home, after leaving it, that I found myself discussing carols with her. The first of many such discussions, I am sure. She got the same water filmed eyes that I get when listening to them. She went to another place. Music connects the soul with something other sometimes. She lost her father at a young age (4) and her life was not exactly trouble free. Her mother died when she was in her 30s (a similar age to mine, when I lost her) and I am sure now that, when that beauty and sadness connected, she went to the same place that I go when I hear it. So profoundly moved that she was unable to return instantly. "Just give me a minute" she would say. She was a much more private person than I am.

Christmas is always poignant since she has gone. It was my mother that created christmas in our home. I am sure that Dad was involved, I am certain that he facilitated it but it was mum who made it Christmas. She would make a ceremony every year of putting up the cards, tree and decorations. She would sing as she did so. She baked and fed her cake and made mulled wine, the kitchen full of the scent of orange and cinnamon and cloves. She always played the same Ronson Christmas album as she did so. It was this sense of joyful preparation for Christmas that heightened my anticipation, that bought delight and warmth into the experience. She loved music and didn't mind chaotic gatherings. Not all the time but, certainly at Christmas, she wanted the house full of life. I cant tell you how much I miss her.

I love Christmas because, in the words of the Muppet's Christmas carol, It is the season of the soul. It is a time for meetings. It is the time for the meeting of melancholy and beauty. It is the time for the meeting of sweet memories and sad mournings. It is the time for  the meeting of cold and warm. It is the time for the meeting of people you have not seen. It is time for the meetings of families. It is a  time for the meetings of regrets and hopes. It is the time for the meeting of the secular and the sacred.

It is the time for the meeting of the human and the divine; both in the body of our wonderful Lord Jesus Christ and in our very own encounters with him. It is the time for the meeting of the word, the eternal word and flesh, for the incarnation of God almighty. God bleeds, he cries, he laughs, he suffers; not at a distance but with us! And to borrow and adapt a line from a Cormac mcCarthy book, completely out of context.

If he is not the very word of God to us then God never spoke

But, of course, he spoke.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it...
...The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
   The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.. (John 1)

So let me close my advent blogs by saying that I pray and hope you can see the light that is the life of mankind in the Christmas story this year and always. But whatever your position, whatever your state of faith, the Christmas story is told with open arms. God loves us and he is for us. He does not demand that we meet some unattainable high standard but he comes to us and embraces us. Let me wish you a very, very merry Christmas and a happy new era.

Love,
Matthew Joseph
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Carols by candlelight

Advent Blog; Day 24

                                                       

I attended a candle-lit Christmas Carol service at my home church tonight. I don't want to tell you how beautiful the decorations were (they were astoundingly so and done with, in my opinion, great taste). I don't want to tell you about the music and songs, (which were beautifully performed, passionately sung and well chosen) or the depth of the meaning and the theology of the words (the carols are among the most profound hymns written). I don't wish to tell you about the message  (it was simple, direct and incisive...full of hope). No, I want to rest my attention elsewhere!

This year what I personally took from the service was something other. As I cast my eye around the low lit room (both during and after the service) what struck me as the candle light flickered causing faces to jump in and out of darkness,  was the number of people there that I feel a deep connection with and have a great sense of warmth for.

I look around my home church (and it feels like home) and I see faces of people I have journeyed with these last years and some for nearly all my life (and my father, who I have journeyed with all my life). I know people here. Some better than others. Some better than they think I know them. Some not as much as I'd like to. Some know me, some better, some better than they would like to, I am sure. Some of these I have prayed with, shed tears with. Some have inspired me. Some have served me. Some have prayed faithful for me. Some have given generously to me. Some have taught me. Some have encouraged me. Some have consoled me. Some have grieved with me. Some have challenged me. Some have been challenging. Some have prophesied over me. Some have let me down. Some have made me laugh. Some have shared hospitality.

These people are my family. I love them. It is true; sometimes we frustrate each other. Sometimes we fall into judgementality, sometimes we are insensitive or misunderstanding of each other. We are human. We are like natural brothers and sisters. But I want to say this. 2000 years ago, at Christmas, God put his son Jesus in a family so that we can can be in his family. And it's a beautiful, raggle-taggle, mixed up, messed up, fantastic, incredible holy mess. It's the people of God. I know that this is where I belong. This is the church.

Since my own family unit fell apart I have had to redefine my concept of family. My boys and I are a family. My boys and their mother are a family, in a sense we are all family, even though she and I are no longer in a relationship with each other.

Since my mother died the borders of my birth family have shifted. My father has re-married and I now have a new type of mother in my life and I have a hitherto non-existent connection to her wider family.

Families, be they nuclear, extended or blended are places of belonging. I once read an article that said that the way people look at things these days, marriage plays less of a part, blood ties play less of a part. Your family is made up of those who will stand with you, those who will stand by you. I have found these people in my church family. God does not want you to be alone. That is what Christmas is about. He loves you, he wants relationship with you and he wants you to experience relationship with him through his people. Scripture, I am reliably informed, says somewhere that he put the lonely in families and he does, he puts them in his own. This Christmas get involved in the messy business of relationships. Find God in your encounters with others. Express the love that is expressed towards you. He didn't leave you orphans but he adopted you into his family, gave you a spirit of acceptance. God wants to include you in the community of his amazing love.