Freedom In Christ #4

So, I had to hit it eventually. The wall. And man, did it knock the wind out of me.

When I was at Bible college there was a kind of a practical joke campaign of war being carried out (faction against faction) in the boys house, where I and the majority of the male single students resided. One particular trick I remember being played was to sellotape up a guys door with newspaper. On seeing it the unsuspecting victim could nearly never resist crashing through that 'oh so inviting' door of rippable paper. What they never guessed was that before taping up the doorway some heavy item of furniture would be placed blocking the door and they would charge full throttle into it, at the height of their destructive glee. Bible students can be cruel. What can I say?

This wall was like that. To look at; a wall of paper, inviting me to smash through it, as I ran on triumphantly towards victory. In reality, it was masking something way more solid and unmovable. This wall is going to have to be deconstructed brick by brick. The wall has a name  and it's name is 'Worldview'.

I need to rewind a little.

Before the session started, looking at the title 'The world's view of truth', I thought I was in for an easy ride. We have dealt with 'Where did I come from?' and 'who am I now?' (Identity in Christ and security in God) and then we moved on to the even more challenging session on the nature of faith 'Choosing to believe the truth'.

To be honest, I found the last session  so challenging (and it is intimately connected to this session, had I but known it) that I thought we were due some let up. And world views? It's a no-brainer, right?

I know there will have been people on the course to who this was a relatively new concept, but I grew up being told about the absolute truths vs relative truths and the dangers of pluralism. And the session proved to introduce nothing particularly new to say on the subject. Nothing I wouldn't have already endorsed 100%

• The world is the system or culture we grew up and live in.
• Satan is the ruler of this world (John 12:31) and works through it.
• Tactic 1 is to appeal to us, by promising to meet our deep needs, through the channels of lust of flesh and eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:15-17)
• Tactic 2 is to paint a complete but false picture of reality. (these are represented in the book by 3 main worldviews)
• Tactic 3 to get us  Mix 'n' match. Adding Christianity to a pre-existing 'core' world view, rather than adopting a 'true biblical worldview.

This 3 tiered system for keeping us from truth is excessively effective. Where we may, through Christ, get through the first 2, many will never get beyond the third tier.

I will need to explain 2 of the world views which have had the most impact on me in order to proceed with this particular post.

The first is The Western, or 'Modern' world view;

• Divides reality into natural' and 'supernatural'  but focuses only on the natural.
• Sees spiritual things as irrelevant to daily life.
• Reality is defined by what we can see, touch and measure,

The second is The Postmodern world view;

• There is no such thing as objective truth.
• Everyone has their own version of 'truth'.
• Each persons 'truth' is as valid as everyone else's
• If you disagree with my 'truth' or disapprove of my actions you are rejecting me.

I'm sorry if this feels like I am attempting to teach the course but it's necessary for you to know this before I proceed.

I can easily identify both of these worldviews as being prevalent in the culture in which I grew up and live in. I was even aware that they rub off on me and, from time to time, that becomes evident. What stayed with me though, after the session, was this concept of the third tactic. 'Mix n match'.

If you asked me if I believe the bible to be true, I would almost certainly say yes (though I have my off days). The word of god? Yes. The absolute truth? Sure thing. But this is a standard response. The party line. The party I joined freely, the party I love, but none the less, the party line. There are core beliefs which affect me still. And they bubble beneath the surface, undermining much of that which I subscribe to publicly.

At the end of the session we were asked to join in with a prayer that committed us to getting rid of the core beliefs the world has fed us and committing ourselves to how the bible says reality really is.

At the time of praying, despite a slight unease, I felt relatively relaxed about the concept. After all we have been renewing our minds for a few weeks now. But even in the car, on the way home, my mind was starting to unpick my feelings. The unease was growing exponentially.

What I have to be honest with you about now is hard to say. Hard but necessary. I gloss over an awful lot of unbelief. I know, anecdotally that we all have doubt. I doubt that I am unusual in that. But what was really getting to me was the immensity of committing myself to a totally biblical worldview. It scares the pants off of me.

For one thing, I kind of fear becoming a bible quoting robot. A Christian clone, if you will. 'Freedom in Christ' has a certain way of looking at the bible and theology  and it felt to me like I was being asked to hand over my individuality and conform, not only to scripture but to a certain way of seeing scripture. It is the way I have chosen to see scripture too, but it is a choice. My choice. And I have always gone with the belief system because it generally makes sense in its entirety, even if certain things seem difficult to adhere too. I suppose what I am saying is, that although I outwardly subscribe, I have inwardly, at some deeper level, reserved the right to disagree or to 'wait and see' on issues that are difficult.

 You see, I have a coping strategy.  I think it comes from a post modern world view, to some extent. It is that where I cannot fully commit, I attribute the disparity to relative truth. It is in a way, my parachute. My get out clause.

As was implied in some of the material which is not in the handbook (but was taught last Sunday) Sometimes I have to admit that 'I have decided it is true for me'. To be clear, this in no way means that I don't love and serve Jesus in all sincerity. I absolutely believe in God. But this 100% commitment to the truth of the bible has always been a bit of a stretch for me.

Looking back historically, people I admire have often fallen on different sides of debates on theology and biblical interpretation. If these great people cant agree, I ask myself, how am I ever to get it right or to understand? So I take my unbelief, and shelve it, with, if I am honest, little intention or hope of ever solving what I think on these issues.

This compartmentalisation can fall into modern and post modern worldviews. They allow me to duck out of any issue I find challenging instead of diligently studying and praying and asking the Spirit to guide me into all truth.

I also, at times, have fears that it wont hold up to thorough examination in light of science. I worry that I wont be able to do it justice if I attempt to defend its truths to non believers. I am so far from being scientific. I have chosen, at this deeper subconscious level, to focus on my spiritual experience and relationship. It is easy to justify as love and relationship are at the heart of the gospel, after all.

I have talked to others about my faith, sure....if it came up. And if controversial areas arise, I duck out of them, deflecting the questions. Why should I endorse a point of view that I cannot even understand fully myself. You see, it goes deep. And implications for living in a way that endorses this 'totally biblical world view' are immense, as I am sure you will appreciate.

But it wasn't always like this.

When I was first 'saved' I was an ardent evangelist. A real bible-basher. I spent so much time trying to argue and convince people into the kingdom. And if I wasn't trying then I was feeling rather guilty about not trying. I made a nuisance of myself. My belief in the bible as the word of God seemed unshakable. My commitment to biblical truth unwavering. But it became exhausting. Exhausting and often disappointing. I got tired of being tired. I got disappointed with all the disappointment. And I reverted gradually to this altogether safer world view.

It wasn't deliberate but it happened.

In the light of session 3 I understand now why I was shaken so much by the words which told me that my actions are evidence of what I really already believe. And I ask myself what about hell? If I truly believed in hell would I not spend every waking moment trying to save souls from it.

So many issues. This blog may be on the long side but I could spend days writing about this stuff.

How do I know how to interpret the bible?

And, as I have prayed this through God has spoken to me through scripture again. I have to thank my good friend, Martin Thompson, who steered me gently back to the scriptures themselves and prescribed a course of reading by the way of godly commentary on the subject of biblical authority. It was an absolutely invaluable nudge. But in all the encouraging words he spoke to me as I laid my heart out to him on how difficult I was finding this (I couldn't pray for days) the thing that stood out and caused me to seek out the scriptures was a phrase from Hebrews 4.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (v12)

Just the mention of it renewed hope. It didn't flow instantly but it reminded me that there was somewhere to turn.  It was actually the last scripture I looked at but it ties in so well. So here was my warning that the word of God (which includes scripture) good judge and expose my heart. Which he was about to do. Penetrating and dividing, remember that. The next lines say;

 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (v13)

But I haven't looked at this yet. When I do, I will see also that this passage is directly linked to the bit  (v14-v16) which speaks about Jesus, our high priest, who is able to sympathise with our weakness, and the invitation to boldly approach the throne of grace, with confidence. The very verses that have been central to my growth, through this course.

But the first thing to come to my mind, when I prayed through this, was a verse from James, also chapter 4;

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (v8)

I have to confess just the latter part jumped out because it contained the word 'double-minded'. Which is what I was now recognising myself to be.

The session had referred to Elijah's battle with the Prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. How long will you waver between two opinions? If Baal be God then Serve him but if the LORD be god, then serve him. I think after seeing what Elijah did I, had I been present, would have been convinced of who was the real Boss.

As I read this I was enticed by the invitation that we 'come near to God' but then after a little dwelling on it I saw something which may be obvious but that I had never noticed before. What does he prescribe for the double minded? In my own partially logical brain I would have thought that the double minded needed to have a rather good think about it and decide which was the best route to go down. But James prescribes a rather different cure. For the problem of the undecided mind he prescribes an undivided heart. Purify your heart you double minded.

So what the word tells me is that this isn't an intellectual problem about scriptural interpretation or scientific evidence. This is about a heart that needs purifying in its allegiances and motives.

To purify is get rid of foreign bodies, to turn up the heat and cause those things which are not pure to burn off. To separate it from what defiles it. If it were two substances fused together into one, it would take all the components that were pure and reunite them in one place, leaving the rest for the slag heap.

because my boys were using my laptop this morning I was studying these scriptures using my concordance in the back of my bible. I happened to notice that James uses double minded in another place (1v8)and so, before moving on, I would have a quick look at that reference too.

 

 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The verse refers to someone who wont believe in the wisdom they are given (which could easily apply to my situation) and the results speak for themselves. But when I read the little footnote that came with my study bible on this verse I was rather taken aback.

"1:8 A double-minded man is a person drawn in two opposite directions. His allegiance is divided and because of his lack of sincerity, he vacillates between belief and disbelief, sometimes thinking God will help him and at other times giving up all hope in him. Such a person is unstable in all his ways. Not only in his prayer life. The lack of consistency in his exercise of faith betrays his general character."


It is around about here that I, feeling very uncomfortable indeed, get extremely grateful for grace and forgiveness. Oh the mercy I obtain at that throne of grace which I can boldly approach in confidence because of Jesus intervention. It is so sweet to me. But it is also his mercy that he lets me see myself, at times, for what I am and that includes the incisive way in which the commentator took the word of God, just there, and applied it to my heart to judge its thoughts and attitudes as it penetrated and divided my defence. I felt laid bare when I read that. But comforted too, because I am seeing the sense in all this. I don't need to be an academic, I need to chose Gods truth and have faith and confidence in its unfolding. All truth is God's truth. God is truth, Jesus is The truth and the Spirit leads us into all truth. I simply need to commit myself to that and diligently work it out from there.

I found myself praying 'Lord give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name'. And I knew that was from a psalm, so I looked it up.  I looked at in in three different versions. The NIV says 'give me an undivided heart' which is the path that led me here. The NLT says 'Grant me purity of heart' which links up completely with James 4:8 (purify your hearts you double minded). 'It is slightly different in the NKJV, but I love it even more. It says everything I need to hear.

Teach me Your way, O Lord;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
For great is Your mercy toward me,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

 

 

 

 

Okay. So now you know. I haven't come close to dotting every 'i', but in principle and in heart, I can fully commit myself to this journey, by Gods grace. Because I am trusting him and I trust his word.

Freedom in Christ #3

 

 

 

You would think I would be better prepared for writing this blog, having had an extra week to garner material but, as usual, I find myself writing this at the 11th hour. Ok, the 9th hour (and it should be the 8th as the clocks have gone forward) but you get what I mean.

So the last session on FIC was entitled 'Choosing to believe the truth'. In a nutshell, we are all putting faith in something (even atheists), It is what you chose to put your faith in that makes it effective. We are only, after all, believing what is already true.

And a very important aspect is that, as the illustration above shows, behaviour follows belief, (your actions reveal what you actually believe)  and feelings follow behaviour.

I found that last bit particularly profound. If I want to see where my faith is really lying I need to look at my behaviour. That was rather frightening. It is so important to not live out of feelings (which makes for a very inconsistent type of walk) but to live out of faith in what is really true.

So it follows naturally that what is at the top of the tree is extremely important. What we hold to be true will define us. There are no shortcuts and the truth is apparent in the fruit we bear.


If you think about how important this is (everything flows from it) the significance of the 'homework' becomes apparent. This time we were reading out of a list of 20 'cans' of success.

Something to say about this is, I have been fine so far, declaring who God is. Declaring who I am 'In Christ', from the week previously, was a little trickier but it was clearly based on the character of God and the enormity of the salvation Jesus acquired for us. I can go there. But this 'success' thing was harder for me. The sense of entitlement that has to come with that is something I really struggle with. In my cultural experience entitlement is something to be shunned. there is even a Christian veneer to my dislike of it. It is more humble to be self effacing and deferential, surely?

But it shows, on reflection, that I haven't really grasped the first 2 exercises. To understand Father completely must mean that we understand what he gives to his children. Not leaving us as orphans, he gives us his spirit, and all the riches that go with that. To be God's child is a truly wonderful experience. To accept, with true humility and thankfulness what he gives us, is a privilege of the highest kind. This boldness of access we may now have, blows my mind.


 I Think that the course is really helping in grounding my understanding in the Character of God. It is raising my expectations and faith levels. The truth is informing my beliefs, which in turn influence my behaviour and, increasingly, I feel good.

I cant wait to see where this is going next. See you in a week.

Satans Upside-down Kingdom

We Christians often use the phrase 'upside-down kingdom' to describe the Kingdom of God. A realm where the rich are poor, the weak are strong and the last are first. A kingdom where you give to receive and surrender to win.

I woke up today to the Kingdom I am living in. Satan is described in the bible as the 'Prince of this World' (John 14:30). His Inverted kingdom has its own hallmarks.

1. Immorality becomes a virtue (Rom 1:32)
2. Slavery (to sin) becomes Freedom.
3. The chosen are ostracized
4. Judgement is passed on the Judge.

C. S. Lewis once wrote about the devils tactic of making people think that he did not exist. The next step in this tactic was to ensure, when he was acknowledged, that he was portrayed he was a cartoon figure of fun. So no one would take him seriously.

In a natural progression to his return to the shadows, he has manipulated the world that you and I inhabit not into the moral wasteland that us saints might have imagined he wanted to create on earth. No. The usurper is cleverer than that. He has carefully fostered a world (in which we find ourselves)  that contains a new kind of morality, one he thoroughly endorses. As he comes as an angel of light, and as the antichrist comes as a man of peace, he has dressed his morality in thoroughly reasonable and compassionate language. It is sweet to the ears. He speaks of equality and fairness. Sweet on the tongue but bitter to stomach. The only equality he really seeks is equality with God himself, the only fairness he wants is what he sees as his due. Last time he tried that, he got kicked out of heaven.

In this new world we see sexual immorality championed at every turn. We see families and communities ravished by divorce, faction and separation in the name of freedom and the search for 'love'. We see Gods chosen berated and attacked from every side. We see the abandonment of Hell, we see Israel vilified and theologically written off, and the people God made sit in Judgement of God, himself.

No wonder James said 'friendship with the world is enmity with God'.

The spirit of the age is everywhere.

This isn't the kind of thing I write about very often. I don't like to think about this kind of stuff. I like an easy life. Maybe I want to stay asleep, but no more.

The problem is that all his new morality is dressed up with arguments that pull on our heartstrings, particularly in  areas regarding homosexuality. I don't think we should ever abandon compassion. But we should never play compassion off of holiness or righteousness. Mercy and righteousness meet at the cross without either of them being compromised in the slightest. That is where we need to be living in all of our dealings, in all our attitudes, in all our beliefs.

We in the west stand on the precipice of a very dangerous time. Everything is poised for Satan to pull the rug out from underneath us Christians. We need to make sure we are not standing on the false security of our soft rug, on the democratic freedoms we have enjoyed hitherto. Time is coming when your allegiance to Christ above all else is no longer tolerated by the government you voted for or the society you live in.

We need to be standing on the solid rock of Christ.

Take me as I am

It was a rare Saturday morning because I had woken up with no responsibilities, no children and no pressing engagements. It was the first morning for about three weeks where I had woken up without any demands on me. I have had a rather exhausting run for the last 3 weeks and I was so looking forward to a lie-in, not that I expected one. My body clock, tightly wound from decades of predawn wake ups, will rarely let me see the far side of 7am.

This Saturday was no exception. I woke at 530am. As far as I was concerned, that was still a lie-in.

I managed to not get up straight away, bar an excursion to flick the light-switch, but lay in bed with my laptop next to me, catching up on social media and surfing you-tube. With a couple of cups of tea, I killed of a few hours in this lazy manner.

It had been pressing on me, for a long while, to spend some quality time with God. Having the whole day stretching out, I was in no particular hurry but I had set my heart on doing it. And it had been ages.
So, it being daylight, I got out of bed and sat in my prayer chair. (There is another story behind the prayer chair but perhaps in another blog).

You know when you are at the seaside and you are reluctant to get into the cold water so you wonder around psyching yourself up to it, or maybe if your bath is too hot and you keep adding water. Sometimes, I just don't know where to begin.

I picked up my guitar.

In my relationship with God my guitar is like the equivalent of buying cheap flowers at a petrol station, on your way to a date. If your date knows you and loves you well enough, the gesture, though pathetic, can actually be quite endearing. I think that is what I am hoping for.

When I don't know how to start, or what to bring, I sing a song.

When I say I sing a song, I mean a song. It is usually the same song I have been using for most of my Christian walk. I sing a song that made a big impression on me when I was a kid. So much so that we sang it at my baptism when I came out of the water. The song; Jesus take me as I am.
So I am sitting in my rather messy bedroom, in the chair of prayer. Scattered coffee mugs and books and cables and plates lie all around. (oh the bachelor lifestyle) I only have one window that is east facing and it is the smallest window in the room. The Sun is up but it is rather dingy outside and the light in the room is at bare minimum.

I play the opening chords and start to sing,

Jesus take me as I am,

 

 I can come no other way,

 

Take me deeper into you,

 

Make my flesh life melt away,

 

Make me like a precious stone,

 

crystal clear and finely honed,

Now my singing is not amazing but I do give it some gusto, as anyone within a ten meter radius of me at church will testify. I don't consider myself a bad singer, just not a great one.....but listen, In my head it's a whole different story. I'm like Jeff Buckley. And as I start to play and sing, my mind starts to wonder off. I am still singing while my thought pattern is going something a little like this;


Yeah, not bad Matthew. I think you're sounding OK today. This is quite nice. A little croaky perhaps, but it is first thing. Maybe you could film this on your lap top?

Yeah, I could, couldn't I?

Yeah, and if the sound isn't too ropey, maybe you can post it to You-tube.

Yeah, right, it'll be one of those really intimate and powerfully anointed worship times, like Keith Green had when he recorded 'thank you oh my father'.

You remember that. That was such a powerful moment in the book wasn't it.

Yeah.

Maybe it'll go viral?


Please be patient with me. I am not a skilled musician and when it seems to go well, I get a little giddy. The funny thing is that all the time, as I am sure you have spotted, my attention is not really on the one to whom I am singing. And the more I think about this potential you-tube clip, the more off the mark my singing gets.

The thing is, I am convinced that the rather ropey performances I always seem to give in public, when leading, say, a Life-group or in a prayer meeting, don't reflect some of the amazing versions I seem to pull off when  I am completely alone. I just want to be able to prove it. just once.

If you've read the last couple of blogs on my page, you will know that I am undergoing something of a renewal in my relationship with God at the moment. And as soon as I spotted the irony of what was going on in my head, I decided, a little reluctantly if I am honest, to stop trying to sing like Jeff (or worship like Keith) and inhabit the words.

The song is one about the process of refinement. It starts, so powerfully for me, with the premise that our blemishes and imperfections should in no way prevent our coming. It is not a take me as I am, because I change for nobody. It is a humble request for acceptance. I can come no other way. I can't pretend with you lord, I can only come in the state I am in.

I think the 'flesh life' pretty much sums up where I was coming from with my dreams of viral worship videos. But the moment I decided to reengage with these powerful words was the point at which I sang;

 Life of Jesus Shining through

And as I sang it, straight to the father, a shaft of sunlight beamed through the window directly into my room.

 

Giving glory back to you

I was gobsmacked. The poetry of the moment was amazing. It was such cool timing. And I gazed up as I sang, and I noticed my little light bulb was still on, even though it was light. And it added nothing to the room, even in the dingy half light of the morning, its effect was negligible. In the light of the full on glare of the sun it was even more apparent. And I couldn't help compare my efforts for my own glory with the Glory of what God had just done when I sang, not for Internet hits or mans accolade, but to him alone and for him alone. My 40 watt bulb, against the power of His sunlight.
The light that he sent bought illumination to all my mess. It bought clarity and I poured all my gratitude back in to my singing for him.

I have thought about that song subsequently. I have always viewed it as my song. But in that intimate time of worship I came to realise that it is OUR song. Mine and the Father's. In the same way couples have a song, Jesus take me as I am is our song.


And although I suspect you will have difficulty believing this. God gave me a gift. In the moments which ensued as I sang to him, God anointed my playing and singing. I sang with such passion and sensitivity. I played, almost skilfully. I swear I did. It was a Keith Green moment after all. Just me and the Lord in intimate and deep conversation. Some things are just private, not for exploitation in a blog, but I tell you what,


It would have gone viral......maybe.

Freedom in Christ #2

After a late arrival at last weeks FIC session, I settled in to listen to the teaching with a considerable degree of eagerness. What new wonders would God unfold this week?

I was not late, as I usually am, because of my tardiness. Not on this occasion. I was late because, during the day my ex-wife informed me that she was unable to be home before 7 (The time the course starts) and could I drop the kids back after 7.

I have found at times, that when God is doing something significant, these little set backs seem to crop up. In fact, it occurred to me during church, that same morning, that this scenario may occur. My immediate feeling was that this was an attack of the devil (and by logical progression, my ex was an agent of the devil). My second thought was if the devil wants to prevent me from going, God must be doing something important. My third thought was that despite the rising sense of indignation, I have been in such a peaceful place, since starting this course and I knew that if I entered into (more than likely fruitless) arguments with her over this I could so easily be sent over the edge and end up ruining any good witness that the work of god is bringing about in me.

I breathed a sigh and let it go.

Freedom in Christ was still attainable, even if I missed half an hour of Steve Goss. In fact freedom in Christ is not attainable, it is already ours (Steve would be proud)...we have to realise it.

I share this with you to encourage you that, yes, this course is bringing about fruit in my life and also that it is significant that the devil should try and disrupt it. It means he is panicking.


So the handover of the kids was actually pleasant (with gratitude expressed at my understanding attitude) and I arrived reasonably calm and able to take on board the teaching which this week is summed up thus

• We are a new creation. The old has gone. The new has come.
• We are not sinners but saints (who sometimes sin)
• We don't have to sin, but if we do 'Our fundamental Relationship with our Heavenly father does not change'
• We are not condemned but have a compassionate God who has made a way for us to boldly approach his throne to obtain grace and mercy  

Now, to a seasoned veteran like me, this is all like teaching Grandma to suck eggs. Like I said last week, there is very little here I don't know but it is the way the truth affects me that I am now concerned with. Not solely what the truth is. But what FIC is trying, and succeeding, to do is to impart the importance of the perception of our identity. If our identity is as a sinner (but forgiven) rather than a saint we are likely to sin. this is important because;

"It's not what we do that determines who we are. It's who we are that determines what we do."


In typical FIC style, simple but so profound. I am finding this subtle shift in perspective, half an inch to the left, is changing how I see the whole picture. And the picture is changing me.

Hence the priority of the first week being on our identity IN Christ. It all seems to flow from there; Significance, Acceptance and Security. Loved utterly. Forgiven completely. Provided for eternally.

But all of this has only sunk in, maybe minutes before I came to blog.

The homework this week was reading out, every day, a list of renouncement's and affirmations of who our Father God is not and whom he is.

For example;

I renounce the lie that my Father God is; absent or too busy to be with me.

I joyfully accept the truth that my Father God is; always with me and eager to be with me

Each of the affirmations of truth carry bible verses and we were encouraged to look one of the personally meaningful aspects up and ask God for insight as we read. The affirmations cover a lot of ground. God being, amongst many other things; warm, intimate, patient, gentle, trustworthy, forgiving and proud of us.

Now, I instantly felt a resonance at the meeting as we all read these out. It has been a desire of mine, for the longest time, to become more intimate with the Father. Unlike the previous week, when it felt almost mechanical, I wanted to proclaim the words as passionately as an Englishman can in public.

I looked forward to the change this was going to bring about. And each day, with only slightly varying degrees of passion, I happily renounced and accepted awful and fantastic things (respectively) and I looked forward to the wonderful blog I was going to write to tell you all about it.

But as each day went by I began to wonder what on earth I was going to write about. As nothing particularly seemed to have happened. I was aware that my perception of God had changed ever so slightly. It was easier to have a handle on his character (in so far as it is expressed in these truths) as I talked about him through the week. No perceptible shift in my prayer life though and I was starting to get desperate. I resigned myself to the idea, instead, of just writing about the teaching we received last week. After all, this is supposed to be an honest reflection of my experience during the course....so cooking it up wasn't really 'on'.

And then today came. During my prayer time something wonderful happened.

Now, writing about the whole Father heart of God thing is rather tricky, not least because my own Father will undoubtedly read this, and it will be read by people who know and respect him.

 I remember receiving a week of teaching in my YWAM discipleship school days, on the Father heart of God. Everyone in the know said 'This is the week when you will lose it'. Apparently their is often deep ministry needed around this area. And, as was the want of YWAM in those days, this meant a lot of wailing and tears. On the last day people went forward for prayer for the issues that had been stirred up by all the teaching. I remember racking my brains for an angle on this. I didn't want to be left out, after all. I figure you can find feelings of rejection and abandonment almost wherever you want, if you look for it. I had prayer. I am not sure what for. It made little impact on me. But I knew that it should have.

I just want to say, about my Dad, that he is not perfect. Do I have any cause for complaint? Are we all human?

I understand now, as a Father myself, that whoever we are, we are lacking in some department. We cannot be everything we would want to be for our children. We certainly cant be everything they would want us to be for themselves. As an adult and a Father, I understand this now. My dad is unable to be all that I am looking for and need. He would be the first to acknowledge that, I am sure.

But, shortly after I read out the renouncement's and acceptances, I thanked Father God with every bit of sincerity in me, for the fantastic man he gave me as a Father. For the Godly example he has been to me, for the provision he has made for me, for the, warmth he showed to me, for the patience he had (and sometimes attempted to have) towards me, for the care and the discipline he gave me, for the faithfulness of him.

Its not the first time I have expressed gratitude to God for him, but it was the first time I had done so in such an extended and heartfelt way.

And then, released, for the first time, I simply sat in the presence of Father God. I sang to him. I listened to him. He made me smile. I felt loved, beyond measure. I came into an intimacy with him in a way that I will not spoil by broadcasting. In short I found something wonderful that I've been longing to find most of my life. There was no need for wailing, just a need to know him.

So yeah. It changed me.


'Oddly', when I was just having a Saturday mooch around on You tube I hit on a Francis Chan Sermon, 'Texting God'. (Look it up, you wont be sorry). I was looking at a clip of Rend Collective that had an appearance by FC and there, in the column next to the clip was his rather intriguing title. I had no plans on watching a whole 46 minute sermon. I just wanted to find out what this texting God thing was. I found very quickly, he was talking about intimacy with God. It was so on point for me that I listened to the whole thing. In it he used an illustration with his children to show How God relates so uniquely to each of us. It was quite beautiful. That fed into my prayer time, in a big way. God had meant me to see that.

 I couldn't find a shortened version of the illustration but then I came across this clip. Its Four minutes and it makes the point just as well. So, I will leave you with this, on the day when I learnt anew what the name Father meant.

See you next week for more adventures in identity in Christ....oh and by the way.....

click.

the.

link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLr9mwfCqSg

Freedom in Christ #1

So, our church have decided to host a Freedom in Christ course. A thirteen week discipleship course for every Christian, by Neil T. Anderson and Steve Goss. I am now an active participant on the course and wanted to blog my responses and experiences, week by week, as I endeavour to work some of this stuff through.

Our church have recently emerged from a time of prayer and fasting in which the word of God seemed to be to 'develop intimacy with him and intentional relationships with one another'. For a long time these have both been things deeply on my heart. It is so easy to be caught up in the activity of the church without really connecting to Christ or our community. I felt I have been a little lacking on both fronts. I would go as far as to say I have been extremely flat and disconnected for  a good chunk of the latter part of last year and the early part of this one.

Almost immediately that the word to the church came, God caused a situation which flung myself and two brothers from church together in an intentionally intimate discipleship group. This has been such a blessing. The word discipleship came up a lot as we began to meet together. All of us realising that this sense of being discipled was largely absent from our experience. So the course sounded almost instantly appealing.

I wanted to be a part of what was going on collectively in our church, despite the apparent irony of a 13 week course on freedom in a rather hectic and (seemingly) over committed life. What is freedom in Christ? Is it more than a doctrinal concept, or a spiritual reality that is seldom, if ever, felt? Are there really varying degrees of freedom in  Christ. If I missed a session would that make me less free than the fellow attendees on the course?

You understand, I was not really sceptical, just a little unsure. The course came with some strong recommendations from people I both respect and trust. I was not at all cynical on that level and signed up, pretty much, without hesitation. But when I read the blurb on the back any doubts that this was something I wanted to take part in were reduced significantly when I saw the words

"Take hold of the truth of who you are in Christ, resolve personal and spiritual conflicts and move on to maturity"

I have felt, in short, stuck, for the longest time. Advances in my spiritual life have so often felt as though they were one step forward, two steps back (or in a good spell two steps forward, one step back). I long for spiritual maturity. I long to be fruitful. I long to be free of internal conflict. Alright, the idea of a course seems a bit mechanical but let me tell you, what I have been doing so far isn't working. If the course even delivers in a small part, some of what it is promising, it is worth a shot, in my opinion.

So the course was beautifully hosted and presented but, last Sunday evening as I listened to the 'videos' I found myself thinking 'but  I know all this!"  And I think the term 'head knowledge and heart knowledge' was used and I found myself thinking 'But I KNOW about Head knowledge and heart knowledge'.

But did I really? Did I know, as my old intercession teacher at YWAM used to say, In my knower?

Didn't Jesus say, 'You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free' And I 'know the truth' and am I set free? Sadly, the answer has to be no. I am more free than I was without Christ but am I actually free.

I felt myself starting to warm through the evening (and not just because I was sitting next to the radiator), just the glimmer of a hope emerging through the clouds of reluctance to change (Yes, I was already fighting it). And when we were asked to read a list, out loud every day, proclaiming that in Christ we were Significant, Secure and Accepted, I felt a little unsure. As we read it out together in the meeting, it felt forced. I had a feeling that it SHOULD have meant more to me. I am God's workmanship, I am free forever from condemnation, I am complete in Christ, etc. These were all truths that I would not dispute for a moment, after all, but it felt like I could be reciting a bus timetable. That isn't right, surely. Have I become desensitised to the greatest truths of my faith?

And then in one little phrase, Aleck, who is co-running the group with his wife Lynda, said something which is so simple yet profound enough to sock me on the chin. Summing up, he said;

"So you see, it isn't exactly intellectually challenging but it IS spiritually challenging".


And I think then, I realised again those well worn truths about heart knowledge, that I had neglected. Did I know in my knower? This was no intellectual exercise, it was heart exercise. It was getting into a space where Gods truth can actually start to change me and become, a means of grace.

I am starting this journey now not cynical but hungry for spiritual reality. I am realistic. I know people who have completed the course. They are not a Christian super species. But They seem to have a better grasp on the truth of Gods word than I do. I want some of that. I am happy to take anything positive that the course that can offer and I am so glad to be going on the journey with dear brothers and sisters from my church family.

Throughout my first week I have been, at times mechanically, reciting all the 'in Christ truths' from the list. I have felt no lightning bolt, I have heard no thundershock, but I have become increasingly aware of the concepts of identity in Christ bleeding into my consciousness and my decision making. I must admit I feel slightly disappointed that it isn't yet some kind of Damascus road experience but the fact that so far it has bypassed my feelings and intellect, I think attests to the fact that God seems to be changing me, not by might, nor by power, but by his spirit. And that gives me hope, and Godly hope, does not disappoint.

Next to Godliness

Confession time. I am a bit of a slob. I think it shows. Those who have never met me will have to take my word for it, but why would a man claim to be that, when he is not?

 I am.

I think my slobiness shows in a number of areas. It shows in my comatose attitude to order, organisation and tidiness. It shows in my relaxed response to domestic hygiene. It also shows in my largely indifferent approach to personal appearance.

This is not the first time I have come to this conclusion, nor will it be the last. I seem destined to retread this ground a little (hopefully in ever decreasing circles), as these things will possibly never become completely like a second nature to me.
My housemate asked me to do some long overdue cleaning this week, in preparation for her friends immanent arrival at the weekend. I was a little stubborn and, I daresay, reluctant to perform such a task (partly because I wrongly felt that it was mainly about creating a good impression). But as I performed this task I started to reflect again on the old adage 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness'.

I don't want to overstate the case but, in the past, I have viewed all of those things as largely superficial. I have had disdain for them and, to an extent, those who I felt prioritised those things above the more important aspects of our life on earth. Relationships, spirituality, hospitality, charity, love.

I like the parable of the upwardly mobile farmer who builds the bigger barn  but dies before he can fill it. The premise Jesus is illustrating is that it is infinitely better to concentrate on storing your treasure in heaven, where moth and rust cannot steal it away. I feel this is, in part a rebuke to the materialist who seeks only to improve their standing in this life but ignores the one to come.

And so for the longest time, I have deemed these outward appearances to be of little, and certainly temporal, consequence.

'Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart'

 

I would take this verse to lend support to my view. A view that still has some merit, in my opinion.

'Cleanliness is next to Godliness' is something I heard a lot in my childhood. To the extent that I think, at one point, I believed it came from the bible. I think I came to regard this saying, later, as hokum. What had a clean face to do with the state of your heart before God? True cleanliness is a spiritual issue, surely?

What I neglected to understand, however, is that these two sayings contain something deeper, something which is not so comforting as my slovenly heart would have cared to believe.

Firstly 'Man' does look to the outward appearance, but it is not, necessarily a comfort that he (God)looks on the heart instead. What is the state of the heart that takes no heed to its appearance?

I understand that the verse is primarily talking about stature, under substance|(and how God does not chose according to our criteria) but the inverse is true also.

You see the heart determines our actions (Out of the overflow of the heart, so speaks the mouth). So to be neglectful of what God has given you must show the state of a heart in disrepair or wilful rebellion. The problem is that I do not expect rebellion to look so, well, passive. But a stubbornness to be active is as good as a two fingered salute to God.

I think we need to reflect on Jesus most excellent condensation of the commandments to get a better idea of why these things are so important. He told us to love God with all our hearts and our neighbour as ourselves. Within this commandment is a third, well acknowledged aspect which seems to have been historically neglected; the command to love ourselves. But this trinitarian approach to the outworking of love shows Gods holistic nature. He wants love and respect to run through it all, like a stick of rock. If I care about my spirit/soul then I care about my body, I care about my possessions. They are not to own me but I am to own them, all be it lightly.

So to take an attitude of not caring about my affairs or appearance is to primarily reject Gods love. It is to devalue the worth that he has bestowed on humanity, when he came to restore his marred image in the hearts and lives of his children.

He wants us to take responsibility, He wants ME to take responsibility. Why else would confession and repentance be such a necessary part of the process of salvation. He wants us to own it. Cleanliness IS next to Godliness, in as much as it is part of a nurturing, stewarding and fostering of what he has given us.

That is not to say that we cannot still rail against the type of image crafting through posturing and preening and bragging in our appearance and possessions and the cleanliness of our houses. Those who seek those things have had their reward. People pleasing for the sake of our vanity is still as sinful as it ever was but I have come to see that there is more to this issue than my ironically shallow views had held. I even Judged people for their appearance of judging people (on their appearance) and thought THEM shallow??

This is not to say that you have to look conventional, or that our homes need to resemble some kind of showroom standard. There can still be such a thing as holy chaos (and grace is still the messiest factor in our salvation). It is simply that to excuse yourself from the responsibility of it, because it is unimportant, probably means that you have missed the point. It is nether all important nor unimportant. There is no unimportant aspect to the life of a child of God. His counting of sparrows and hairs should have at least taught us this.